BEAT IT

10

3 days passed by and he was still out of it. he hadn't taken anything since that day but he was just a completely different person. not talking much, only answering to my questions. i can tell that this whole thing really put an effect on him. i think that's the lowest i ever seen him. he's really depressed, always in his bed, having nightmares and not even eating anything. i don't know what to do anymore to get him better. i'm really scared. and the worst part is that i made him that way. i feel so bad and guilty about myself and this entire situation. why i put him through this? i really don't know what i was thinking when i left him for 2 weeks and not even check on him. and out of nowhere i came back like nothing happened.

,,gus baby please you need to eat something." i said gently.

,,i don't want to, i'm not hungry."

,,but you didn't eat anything for 2 days. it can't be like that." my voice cracked.

,,ava i don't want to." he sighed out looking at the ceiling.

,,what can i do to make you feel better? i can't stand seeing you like this. i feel so guilty bout myself, i can't forgive myself for it." tear runned down my cheek.

,,don't blame yourself baby. just be by my side, it will pass." he looked at me cracking a fake smile.

,,but it's all my fault. i'm so sorry gus." i started crying as i stood up to go to the bathroom.

,,ava don't go, don't leave me." his voice cracked.

,,baby i'm not leaving you i just don't want you to see me like this. i already fucked up." i said as i walked out.

i locked myself in the bathroom sitting on the floor. what did i do? it should be better but it's only getting worse. i fucked it all the way up. i hate my fucking guts right now. and i can't seem to shake this fucking feeling in my body. i don't think he would ever forget about it because my fingers are all in his stab wounds.

,,ava please let me in." he started knocking on the door.

i quickly wiped away my tears and opened the door.

,,baby don't cry" he hugged me kissing my head.

,,i reckon you would be better if i never existed. i'm sorry that i let you down." i cried out.

,,don't even say that dumb shit ever again. i live only because of you and you know it. but i don't know how to deal anymore. i don't want you to lose yourself as well in all of this." he sighed continuing.

,,well maybe the damage is done, maybe the darkness has won. thought the pain would teach me somehow but the only thing i figured out is life is a grave and i dig it. but with this pain i got no choice but to carry on. i'll stitch myself up alone. don't worry about it babygirl." he said with shaky voice.

,,but you don't have to do it on your own. i want to help you." i whispered.

,,i don't think you can, or anyone else besides me. that's my job to do it."

,,but you can't be alone in this." i said sternly.

,,i'm not. i got you. you just need to be here for me and i'll be good. everything takes time." he said running his fingers through my hair.

,,i will be there, you're the only one i want. i can't really see myself with anyone else. but you need to go to therapy, to understand where this pain is coming from and how to deal with it. maybe some medications would help. but on top of that you also need to start treating your drug addiction. without that we all know it's not gonna work." i said looking him in the eyes.

,,okay. i'll go to the therapy. i need to get myself better for you and myself. i can't live like that anymore. it will only lead to a misery." he sighed out.

,,i'm proud of you baby. you got this. we gonna find you some good therapist." i said as we stayed in silence just hugging each other.

,,ava will you make me your boyfriend?" he asked out of nowhere looking at me straight in the eyes with a little fear behind them.

,,of course i will." i said looking at him with all the love i have for him.

his eyes turned darker as he started kissing me. he deepened the kiss searching for more. we didn't really kiss like that for 2 weeks, only pecks on the lips. he grabbed my ass pulling me closer to him. pushing his hips into me. the kiss started getting even more hungrier as he grabbed my throat moving his lips away from me.

,,i want to fuck you so bad ava." he whispered in my ear.