persona || paige bueckers

Chapter 20

Kazzi hasn't seen Paige in two weeks.

She likes to think she's handling things rather well, until Lili went and lovingly labeled this era as the "Great Depression", which is historically incorrect – not that Lili cares whenever Kazzi corrects her.

Kazzi managed to transfer classes after a particularly heartbreaking sob story involving her grandma and hospitals, which Kazzi admits is not morally ethical, but desperate times call for desperate measures (zero regrets).

Kazzi was worried Paige would seek her out upon discovering her class switch, but after the first week of carefully creeping about, she has come to the conclusion that the blonde either doesn't care or was avoiding her with equal fervor. It hurt all the same.

Maybe (just maybe) Kazzi admits she overreacted. She should've at least let Paige talk, but the mortification seared her nerves to the point of no return, and the deep-rooted embarrassment was too easy to switch to indignation. She thinks if she went back in time and relieved that exact moment, she would've reacted the same, unwilling to hear Paige's rejection.

Would she have been gentle with it? A 'sorry, but I don't feel the same' accompanied with heartachingly apologetic eyes? Or would she have been harsh? Face disgusted and words venomous, spat out like the very thought of Kazzi repulsed her? Or maybe she would be confused, a 'why?' that would have left Kazzi tongue-tied and on the verge of breaking down?

These thoughts occupied Kazzi's every waking moment, drilling into her as she tried to do nothing but stay afloat. After that night, Kazzi didn't cry again, reeling everything back the moment she could feel it spilling over.

Google says it isn't healthy to bottle up your emotions. Kazzi says fuck Google.

Kazzi dazedly bit into her pancake, eyes following Lili as the other bustled around in the kitchen, making the former lunch despite noon being hours away.

"Y'know you don't have to make me lunch, right? I can just order takeout–"

"That's not healthy, Kaz," Lili chided, piling the dish into a microwavable bowl. It smelled nice. Kazzi's heart warmed. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you, but since you're kicking me out, this is the least I can do."

"I'm not kicking you out," Kazzi scoffed, slipping off the seat to place her plate in the sink. She made a mental note to wash it later, "You're not gonna spend the day with me when Azzi literally asked you on a date."

Lili rolled her eyes, moving around Kazzi to wash her hands, "Whatever. Make sure to heat it up before eating it, you gremlin."

"Yes chef," Kazzi giggled, leaning back on the counter as Lili bounded to her room to grab her purse. Her phone buzzed from the counter, and Kazzi didn't think twice before reaching over and opening it.

(9:02): CC shared a post!

(9:02): Lol this reminds me of you

It was a picture of a cute dog looking innocent while the room in the background was trashed, captioned 'it wasn't me'. Kazzi laughed softly.

(9:03): that's not nice

(9:03): i wouldn't do that

(9:03): Sure

Kazzi shook her head, glancing up when she heard Lili's footsteps returning to the kitchen. Lili looked amazing, obviously dressed up for the date, and Kazzi felt genuinely happy for the other despite her own dumpster fire of a love-life.

"You look great, Lili."

"Thanks," Lili hopped over, placing a quick peck on Kazzi's cheek, "Heat up the food. Don't set the house on fire. Lock the door if you leave. Hang the laundry."

Kazzi hummed, watching her best friend head towards the door, putting her shoes on. "Love you. Have fun."

"Bye!" The other shouted, leaving with the click of the door. Kazzi sighed, eyes sliding to the clock on the wall. She had a long day ahead of her.

She spent the morning moping, the absence of her best friend making every hour tick by excruciatingly slowly. She tried to get into a movie, but ended up dozing off and waking up at half past twelve, to which she gave up and decided to go heat up Lili's food.

It was delicious, as always, but Kazzi still had hours to kill. She slumped in her seat at the thought.

Her phone buzzing caught her attention again, and her hand reached out to pick it up. It was Bea.

(12:46): KAZZZZ R U FREE RN???

Kazzi could feel Bea's enthusiasm through the screen, and was unable to stop a smile from stretching across her lips.

(12:47): yeahhh

(12:47): why???

(12:48): WE NEED 4 PPL AND SOMEONE BAILED ON US LAST MINUET

(12:48): WE NEED TO FILL THE SPOT

(12:48): what for???

(12:48): DRUMROLL PLS

Kazzi rolled her eyes.

(12:48): 🥁 🥁 🥁

(12:48): ESCAPE ROOMMM!!!!

Kazzi released a puff of laughter, needing no time to send her confirmation. She hasn't been to one in a while, and for the first time in two weeks, she felt a sense of excitement as she got ready. 

Her thoughts drifted to Paige, wondering if she likes escape rooms, before mentally berating herself for thinking about the blonde.

She was out the door in minutes, Bea telling her that they were already at the venue. She hasn't done the laundry or washed the dishes yet, but she really didn't want to keep them waiting. As she hurried along the sidewalk, Kazzi realized this was the lightest she'd felt since that night, grateful to know that she was slowly – but surely – moving on.

Kazzi would later come to regret not asking Bea who was coming, her presence singlehandedly unravelling Kazzi's being in the most unsightly way possible.