"And yeah, the doctors were nice enough
They just said I'm fucked
Just like my mom is fucked
I bet your dad's fucked up"
-----------------------------------
"Acute depression, a chemical imbalance in his brain" said the doctor. Eddie knew exactly what it meant but Paul just couldn't.
He'd been brought up getting told by his uncle, "Your mother wasn't depressed, she needed to get away from you"
It was clear, a few papers and prescriptions and it was 'case closed' its not like they really cared, if they did they wouldn't be in their job long, would they?
-----------------------------------
The car ride home was a quiet one, lots of thinking and lots of fidgeting. "So how do you feel about this son?"
Paul lets out a shrug, not really knowing how to cope or even think about it all. He didn't want to turn out like his mum or especially not his Uncle, his worst nightmare.
"It is what it is" he said but it was clear to see he didn't know what to do with himself. Yes, he finally knew what was wrong with him, but that didn't make it any easier.
As soon as Eddie and Paul aeeive home, paul rushes up to his room and shuts the door, carefully not slamming it but still acting like a 'stroppy seventeen year old' but he was much more than that.
Underneath it all was just a little boy who missed his mum with his whole heart, longing to know what was weong with him just to get labelled as 'the one with a chemical imbalance' he hated labels, he was different but that doesen't mean his brain worked any different to the norm it didn't mean he had 'ADHD'. He would prove it, he'll stop taking his meds
Time rose to the morning, Eddie handed Paul his ADHD meds and now his antidepressants, when Eddie wasn't looking Paul threw them in the bin. Continuing to eat his toast.
Eddie hadn't noticed, paul remained the same throughout the whole day except him being a bit irritable but wasn't that just being apart of a teenanger?
The day rolled around again and Paul was staring blankly at his bedroom ceiling, getting that ih so familiar tingling feelings on his arms and thighs, the places where nobody else would see. He tried to ignore it, and the sick feeling in his stomach, but it was different this time, he felt like he could be sick any minute, he lay in his bed with his football sheets trying to stay as still as he can because even the smallest movement made the feeling 10x worse
The feeling of nausea moved up to the back of his throat, he couldn't even sleep it off, he had tried but he was just so awake.
He could feel acidic taste in the back of his throat, alongside the lump in the back. He decided to go dowmstairs, face Eddie and get a glass of water.
Paul slowly walks down the stairs, right shoulder dragging across the wall, the acidic taste only getting worse as he moves. Finally he arrives at the kitchen where Eddie is cooking, the look and smell repulses Paul, his stomach tightens and the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach rises quickly up, he holds his hand over his mouth and pushes Eddie away from the sink.
Paul begins to retch and his body hurls.
He throws up into the sink and Eddie rubs pauls back waiting for him to fully finish. He spits and gags some more, then leaning over the sink to cath his breathe back, he pants and shakes with teary eyes as Eddie has a concered look on his face.
"You alright buddy?" He asks, Paul just nods, he sits down at the dinner table, legs to weak, body too jittery. Is this what getting off meds was like? Or was it just him?
