What If I Jump?

The Trial

The aged staircase stretched upward, the final step marking Ella's ultimate end. Her fingers glided across the cold stone walls. Each brick that she passed placed her even closer to her goal. Shivers crept up her spine as she stood there. The hallway had a certain chill within the walls that seemed to follow her as she began to ascend the stairs. She had stopped after climbing a few stairs. Her final documented words were scribbled on the paper that rested in between her fingertips. Ella took a deep breath and squeezed the note, making permanent crinkles on the lined page. A couple more creaky steps, and she had reached the top. Disobeying the warning signs, she forced her weight against the metal door until it budged. Ella stepped out and allowed the door to slam behind her.

The air was crisp against her knit sweater, indicating that the fall season was fading into winter. Ella  had never cared for the cold, so she bundled herself together with weak arms and made her way to the edge of the roof. Only partly regretting that she had rolled her sleeves up, she accepted the breeze as it whispered by the scars on her wrists. Peaking at the concrete below, she began to doubt herself.

"Would anyone care if I jump?" Ella whispered to herself. "If I jump, what would I miss?" she questioned. "I'm not needed. I'm worthless," she muttered, as tears began to form in her eyes. Ella slipped the top of her right foot over the ledge and rested it there. "Just another move and it'll all be over," she breathed. Her cheeks were stained by bitter tears as the cold nipped at her wet skin.

A crowd slowly assembled near the base of the apartment building. Tiny shreds of voices bled through the howl of the morning wind. A law enforcement vehicle parked behind the wave of people, and Ella knew that she had better hurry. The slightly crinkled note felt hot in her hand as she propped it against the brick lining. Ella slid her grandmother's necklace off. Placing her lips against the silver, she kissed the necklace and rested it on top of her suicide note. Her body faced the drop-off once again and she made her final decision to jump.

"This is it," Ella tells herself. "I'm done disappointing everyone... I can't handle the pain that I live with! I've tried to get help but I just can't continue living this way," she whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes.  She slid a shaky hand through her hair and sighed. "I'm ready," she assured herself.

Heavy stomping could be heard rushing upstairs. Ella closed her eyes and stepped off the ledge. Screams of horror filled the air, and Ella let her arms fall against the wind. Her final thoughts whisked around her head, and she let go of all the pain that had haunted her. A smile spread across her lips as she dwindled out of reality.