I thought what I caught was lightning in a bottle; I found out I was wrong when it finally shattered.
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Letters Unsent Series #2
Date Started: April 28, 2024
Date Completed: April 29, 2024
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August 24, 20XX
Hi Reed,
I have stopped holding on. I have stopped hoping for your love. I grew too tired of the constant blame and the unending apologies I needed to send you for things I think I did right. I was crushed when you told me my gift was a cheap copy of what you once gave me. You broke my heart when you dismissed me when I tried telling you things about me. You stepped on me when you told me I was never paying attention.
Do you know what's behind all of those?
I poured my heart out when I made that scrapbook. Despite being tired from all the work and chores, I still managed to find the time and do it for you. I enjoyed doing it. I loved every moment I spent cutting, pasting, and writing because it was for you. It was dear to me because I made it for you... but you... you don't know that.
I was only seeking some comfort... some logic that would help me sort my thoughts. I came to you hoping you could give it to me because I trust you. I know that you would bury my secret with you on the grave whenever I share one, just because I know you so well. What I did not realize is that they don't matter to you. I just want to share them with you, and I just want some support from you. I only wanted someone I could lean on... someone to show my vulnerability... but you... you don't know that.
I was paying attention. I have memorized some of your lines. I know how a story you shared ends. I remember them because I store them in my heart... but you... you don't know that.
Would you ever wonder why you don't know all of that? You wouldn't because it doesn't matter to you. It's not important. It doesn't hold any value... and with those words from you, I withheld myself and stopped sharing what goes in my mind.
I stopped because you weren't a safe space to begin with. I want to let it all out, instead of keeping them to myself, but you never made me feel it would be okay to take it all out on you.
I was slipping away, yet you did not notice. I don't want to be caged somewhere, not safe. I want to be seen. I want to be heard. I don't want to keep it all in my head and then suddenly explode.
Nevertheless, I am still grateful for everything. I will never regret loving you. I will never wish I had never met you because, after all, what we had was a lightning in a bottle. I just never thought it would end and then shatter.
Now, these letters that carried the burden of my heart will be burned. I am stepping towards tomorrow with a shattered bottle that once contained the spark of our hearts.
