Mental

30

"What are you doing for the rest of summer?" I asked Matthew when he came to visit me for my break at the Disney store.
"My father is taking Jessica and I on Vacation I was hoping you could come too."
"My mom will never let me come."
He rolled his eyes and said ",how about this job. You work at the merch store now."
I shrugged. "I love the Disney store though."
My break ended and he kissed my cheek and left.
I sold a few things,helped a few customers and stocked up half of the shop.
When I got off I headed to Jessica's house because we made plans to go shopping.
"What do you think I need? Matthew's father is taking us on a cruise."
"How about condoms." I laughed.
She pushed my arm. "Are you and James using condoms?"
"We haven't even had sex yet."
She frowned. "But you guys are so much in love."
"I mean we've done stuff but he hasn't said he loved me yet."
Jessica really did look confused.
"Ok that boy has problems."

I am baking cookies with Lily and she said "I'm going to miss you when we go on vacation."
"What?"
"Yeah every summer we go on vacation and my mom wants you to come with us but she doesn't know what your mom would say."
"W-where do you guys go?"
"We rent a beach house and it's like thirty minutes from here."
I pulled the cookies from the oven and turned away.
"I'll miss you too."
"Yeah but don't cry because we come back at the end of summer."
"Oh baby it's ok." I tried to reassure her that I'm not sad.

later when James and I are alone in his room I asked him about it and he nodded sadly.
Pulling me to cuddle he kissed my neck.
"Babe I wish you could come I really do. Five weeks without you."
"No it's ok my mom wouldn't have let it happen."
I snuggled closer and I felt something in the pit of my stomach
I'm so nervous and I know why and I don't even know if what I'm feeling is real but I have to say it.
"I love you."
James stiffened and then he turned me to face him.
"What?"
"I love you James, I love you a lot."
He stared at the bed.
"Do you not-"
"No it's not that..." He is quiet and I knew I shouldn't have said it.
"You don't-"
"No Eden but I just don't believe in that!"
"In what, Love? That's ridiculous what about forever and ever and-"
"Eden Stop!" He yelled.
I pulled away scared at his voice.
"Eden I'm sorry-"
"I don't know why you hate love and I don't care I love you but seeing as you don't return the feeling I'm leaving."