Holiday: with the spirit

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          I have been locked up in my room all day long. Not by anyone tho but by myself. I am in great pain and I have decided to write my feelings down. Why?. I do not know but I feel is for the best. I had woken up to a pool of blood on my bed. Do you think coming here was a wise decision to make?. Or I was simply over thinking things like Gray had said.

Later this morning Gray had called a doctor to examine me and I found out I was pregnant. I do not know if this was a thing of joy or not,  but I felt sad, reason remains unknown. I had almost lost my child but my God being kind saved us. Tho the doctor had said I needed a lot of rest else, I might not be lucky this time. For 3 years I had long to taste motherhood but look at me now. In less than 4 month I shall birth a child.

" our father who at in heaven. Hallo be thou name".  My mom would always remind me to say my prayers whenever I felt unsafe or worried for no reason, that is why; I had decided to go down on my knees to pray. " save me from every evil spells. For I feel unsafe and certain about my fate. I feel like someone is after me, like I may lose my life soon". I did not even know during the course of my prays I started to cry.

" remember for you said you are the father to the fatherless. I have no one but you and my husband. Guide us, guide me and most of all, guide my unborn child". Suddenly the feeling of comfort befall me and I felt Gods warm presence before me. " direct my part and save me from every evil spirit, unholy spirit for I know you opened my eyes to see her for a reason". I paused the moment the image of the lady crept back into my head, a sensation of fear gripped me. I had to open my eyes to look round my room before continuing my prayers." but dear lord guide and direct my part. Amen". I touched my head " God the father". I touched my left shoulder " God the son". And I touched my right shoulder " God the Holy Spirit. Amen ". I stood up and sat on my bed. 

My marriage with Gray has never being the best but in all I have always tried to make things work. I am not a saint. I have done a lot of horrible things but not for once have I stopped believing in God. Me and Gray met in a very unpleasant circumstances but God being kind we both found love. I use to live in new York and I worked under an undercover dating organization. By that I mean I was a prostitute. Professional one I guess.

In New York many wealthy men who were busy with work but needed pleasure would write my organization with detailed descriptions of the kind of girl you would love to play around with. According to your description you would be sent a female. Her identity is to remain unknown to you. If during the course of getting you to orgasm you by mistake removes her mask you are to pay huge compensation to the organization. So basically you know nothing about what the girl looks like apart from her body.

From one night Gray kept on picking me which was not part of our policy but I guess he did pay well tho. We kept having sex till I finally revealed my face to him. One thing lead to one thing we started dating and he bought me off from the organization.

I was already an orphan and from there we dated till we got married. Tho we were already staying together before our marriage so it didn't make any difference. We were cool not until 5 months back I noticed Gray stopped touching me. This never really affected our relationship or how he treated me but I was concerned. I asked him several times about it but he would simply say he was busy with work or one thing, but somehow I had managed to cope till today.