Bartoned

Chapter 24

Clint had been more than a little excited when you went in for your post-natal check-up. It was the one where you got told your birth control options and all things going as expected you'd be cleared for sex. You wanted that too, but you worried.

Your body felt different since you'd given birth to Natasha. The Avengers' training schedule,  had given you some nice muscle definition. That had all gone and you were all soft and stretch-marked. That wasn't the big problem though. You logically knew Clint didn't care about that. You had felt less you in that sense when you were nine months pregnant and he was all over you like a rash.

The problem was now you were sleep-deprived. Your breasts were often sore and you hated them being touched. Even if you didn't, they leaked milk with almost any stimulation. And on top of that, you'd just passed a small human through the very spot Clint was so excited to get to explore again. You worried that it would feel different or wrong and you wouldn't be able to perform because you kept thinking about that constantly. Which of course made you think about that too much too.

Still, you did want to have sex again and logic said that eventually, that need would overwrite the self-consciousness you were feeling. Especially, with the way that Clint looked at you - like you were a particularly tasty snack. So you got your check, had an IUD put in and you were given the all-clear for whatever activity you wanted. You just had to work out what that was.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," Clint assured you, grazing the back of his fingers up and down your leg.

Natasha wasn't down yet. She was currently on her stomach on the floor straining as hard as she could to keep her head off the ground. Clint had brought up the possibility of having sex tonight. He wasn't actively pushing for anything to happen. He was just doing the thing the two of you had promised you'd do from now on. Communicating. He didn't want to push you - he just wanted you to know he was ready when you were and if there was anything he could do to make you feel more ready, he'd do it.

"I want to, Clint. But..." You paused and broke eye contact with Clint not wanting to admit what was really the matter. "What if she wakes up?"

"It's a possibility," Clint said. "But what do we really need? Four minutes?"

You started laughing and leaned your head against his shoulder. Clint wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you a little closer to him. "Four? You going for a personal best?"

"Well, it's been a while. I gotta make it special," Clint teased, nuzzling against your ear. "What can I do to make you feel better about this?"

You shrugged. "I don't know. I - I think about using a toy and I'm fine with it. It's my body. I know where things feel weird still and what feels good. And it's just me. I can close my eyes and just go to town. It wouldn't take me long and I wouldn't need to worry about Nattie interrupting me. But... actually, having sex? I just ..."

"Is it me? Did we rush things? It's the engagement, right? If you think we should go back to being just friends, you can say, you know?" Clint said a little too quickly, that panicky self-doubt bubbling up.

You reacted quickly, straddling his lap and cradling his jaw so he was looking up at you. You smiled down at him, gazing into the blue of his eyes, as you ran your hands down his neck and over his shoulders. You grazed your fingertips over the defined muscles in his arms and leaned in, resting your forehead against his. "It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I just... feel weird about me."

"But you're gorgeous," he said.

"You saw a baby come out of me," you countered.

He chuckled. "Yeah, that was a horror show. But... it hasn't ... I still wanna get all up in there."