Heartbreak and Heartbeats (Andley)

Stitch Back My Heart

Losing your sight but having the feeling of hands checking your pulse is even more frightening than you might think, not hearing anything about why, even worse. Worse still, is that arms were all around me, I felt trapped. Their frequent movements creating shadows on my eyelids, I dough to control my fear, but my uncontrolled muscles were rebelling against any chance of staying remotely calm. My back burst in pain, as I suddenly felt the neatly done stitches tear my flesh even more.

I wanted to scream but my voice was no longer my own, in that moment, I thought death was going to take me. My hearing started to slip in and out if functioning and making the world around me silent, causing the clipped words and sounds to become strange noises, to create a symphony of confusion.

Then a grip on my hand, this one not restrictive, but protective, loving. Ashley. I couldn't fight what was happening to me, but I was safe and I knew that, all thanks to that one hand, that one reminder I wasn't alone. I kept rocking, kicking, I just wanted it to all stop, for everything to leave me alone. So it did. All went still, and my body was then suddenly painfully limp and broken, my eyes slowly peaked open, as if without consent from my still rattling head, to reveal the bright lights of my hospital ward. The brightness seared into the back of my head, but it was not that, that bothered me, but the sting in my back. I felt like a rag doll, and that hurt.

"Andy, Andy please, baby are you okay please?" I recognised the voice as Ashley's. I went to reply but all my voice did was release a rather unmanly squeak. "Andy?" Ash repeated, but this time less concerned, I nodded Instead of attempting to speak this time and began the tedious task of focusing my eyes on him, or anything to be honest.

The doctors then took to explaining that my fall had most likely caused a brain injury. My ears perked up as I listened in.
"It's not serious is it?" I heard Ashley say. Then I became confused as to who was holding my hand. I pushed that thought away for now.
"No it's not, we've done a few scans, due to the amount if blood Mr Biersack here had lost a very small part of his brain was damaged, this will heal however. The biggest factor in these seizures are probably due to shock." I relaxed indefinitely after I heard those words.

I managed to focus my eyesight, and I looked up to see Juliet looking at me. Then she smiled. Then her face contoured in horror and her hand flew from mine with almost inhuman speed.

"I, I, I" she tried to speak. I knew she had only acted out of instinct. I could tell by the look on her face. She wasn't thinking. I gave her a look to show I understood and she noticed the signal and moved away.

I noticed the band had disappeared.
"They were told to leave, there were to many people. Ash started crying and screaming so they thought it would be better to take him with them when they left. I took a lot of... Persuasion. I was just left here in the corner and I wanted you to know you weren't alone I guess, I don't even know."

Then came the part I wasn't looking forward to. The nurse walked in with a tray with needle and medical thread. Redoing my stitches. Another doctor came into the room and they slowly took of the bandage covering my upper body and examined my back, thankfully, it wasn't to bad. I watched as the nurse began to thread the needle, and I audibly gulped. She smiled apologetically.

Now I'm not a wimp, but needles, needles remind me of the really bad times. Times I don't want to remember. Times I just want to forget. Times when things were low, low as they could get.

"Please it's all I've got man, please I need it!"
"If you ain't got the money kid you ain't getting anything from me"
"Please, please, I need it, I'll, ill do anything I swear, but please I need it" I begged, my body beginning to shake violently. I shook, cold in the delapatepted house, but from the need, the pure animalistic want. He looked at me, and smiled. "Well if your'll be anything?"
"Anything, god fuck it, anything please, I'm only a fiver short."
The inside of me was scared but no matter what I had to do, I had to do it. I needed to get rid of that bad memory, that stupid night, in that stupid alleyway. He took me by the arm and lead me up the stairs of the house, never used by the addicts, but by those, well, looking for a different kind of pleasure. He pushed me in the room violently, making me realise my pause as we had got to the top of the stairs.

He pined me against the wall, and looked me deep in the eyes. "On, your, knees."

I stared at him wide eyed. Then he grabbed my hair and pushed me down. "You said you'd do anything" he mocked. But I needed this. The memories came back, vivid flashes of memory. I fought back the tears, because I knew, soon, all the pain would wash away.

Times were low as they could possibly get.