Lost memory​᭄∘˙✧ (Wanderer X reader)

promised destiny ✧*​᭄

It felt like I was floating, and it felt warm and comfortable.

Like the sun had finally given me it's rays.

"Mama!"

You heard a child's voice call out in the distance and it was familiar and you knew who it was.

"(Y/N) Hello dear.."

My mother spoke to you with a sweet smile yet I couldn't see her eyes but I knew what how she was looking at me.

Now you knew.

She felt pity

Spiteful

My mother's gaze was never soft and gentle , she looked at me with disgust, like she wanted me gutted, dead out of her life

Children can always know a parent's disappointment even from so far away

I knew now that she never loved me, I knew she didn't but I wanted to believe that she did

No matter even if she hated me I wanted to try and get her affection that's all I wanted and maybe more..

Why she hated me?

Not because I did something because I already was something.. She just never wanted me

I was a curse to her. A disappointment, nothing at all, I ruined her life so she didn't want me in it.

I ruined everything again

Like I always did...

It's like I was even hers at all..

My blood mother didn't want me because I was an affair baby and it ruined her life

Everyone left her.

So she thought that she could do the very same to me

Not that sad honestly at least she pretended even for a little while

It just hurt that it was all a lie

until she found someone else to make her happy,to help her with me.

But after I was born I hated the man that was to be my father.

She didn't get the man that she affaired with because it would 'ruin' his reputation my father did something and my mother paid the price

And then I had too as well.

I'm surprised she didn't abort me anyway since I was such a bother to her

Every person that I was born next to in my life I hated them

All of them

As a baby I almost died multiple times I think she almost got so angry she almost threw me on the ground smashing my head.

A miracle I survived

A disappointment to her

My step father was an addict like every other horrible parent he still almost tried to treat me like his kid but he was always so creepy..

To the point he almost sexually assaulted me.

My mother didn't care that he was trying to rape someone

Let alone her own child

I was responsible for all their messes and failures

Because I was a failure myself

Every bottle that was thrown at me

Every slap I earned was deserved

Wasn't it?

Yet I still tried to do better I pretended everything was ok

Like mother like daughter I suppose

She pretended to the very end..

And next thing I knew I wasn't floating anymore I was huddled up in the dark

I wanted to cry

But I couldn't I'm not some crybaby, or I just spent every tear I had left

I was used to this by now anyway so what was the point

"Were we always destined to be like this?"

I saw her

I saw me

"What destined to be the least favorite child? Pretty sure..its been like that since birth"

I stood up and looked at the child in front of me who started sniffling

"I-im sorry I shouldn't cry.."

I looked at her the same way my mother used to.. I was becoming the thing that made me

Like I wasn't already horrible enough

"Please fix this..i wanna go home"

I bent down and patted my own head

"Where is home to you?"

I sat on my knees and tilted my head to the child version of me

"Wherever I am loved.."

"Me too.."

"Do you love me?"

I froze and contemplated for a second but the child just smiled and sighed

"I know, even I don't love myself and you're me"

I brought the child closer to me and hugged her

"I'll fix everything and the we'll be loved"

"Even if it's our destiny to be unloved"

"We'll pink promise"

"You remember what mother said before that day don't you?"

And then you smiled slightly almost laughed

"Yes even if we're heartless".