Eylderfell || ONC 2024

2-2

It all hit him like a punch to the gut. Tavor backed away and ran, out of the cavern and along the ledge into the dark forest. He didn't know where he was going. Didn't care. As long as it wasn't there, as long as he didn't have to see what he'd done.

Over and over, he saw the image of the crow's wing. Bone-bare. And that dredged up new images, worse images. He was back in the market square now, surrounded by the others his age. Their faces, just seconds before cruel and jeering, now blank with shock and terror.

In front of him sprawled a limp figure. The chief's son, Jovhan. Screams filled the air as he clutched his arm, blood dripping through his fingers. White bone peeked through windows of decayed flesh and muscle.

Tavor spun and saw the crowd forming behind him. The horror and judgement on the villagers faces.

His stomach heaved. He hadn't been fooling anyone. He'd been clutching onto hope that all the evil in him was the curse, and freeing himself of it would undo everything he'd done. That he'd finally be able to forgive himself.

But he'd crossed that line long ago. The villagers saw it when he'd attacked Jovhan. The familiars had known this whole time. He already was a monster.

He hated it. Hated himself. How many more times was this going to happen? How many more people was he going to hurt like this?

Why did Nestani do this to him?

He came to a halt by a small river, cutting a line through the forest. Liquid heat stung his eyes. His hands still felt wet, slick with blood, as if the sins of the past still lingered on his skin. And this time the nausea overwhelmed him. He hunched over and threw up in the reeds, shuddering.

He stayed on his knees for a while, until the trembling nausea had passed. Tavor got to his feet and moved over to the river. He caught sight of his reflection and turned away.

Something moved in the bushes behind him. Maybe it was the Elder, back to finish what it started. Tavor looked over his shoulder, but it was just the cat, in the form of a young girl. She carried the lantern, gentle light illuminating the worry in her eyes.

Tavor turned back to the river, disappointed. The girl came and settled onto the rocks next to him.

"You should hold onto this," she said. "It's a part of you now."

Tavor looked at it, disgusted. "Maybe I should just break it."

Her eyes widened. "Don't say that."

"Why not? What's the point of keeping on? Even if I find Nestani, make it out of this forest...there's nothing left. I can't even go back with you two, after what happened."

"He knew what he was getting into." She rested her head against his shoulder. "You're not a bad person, Tavor. We wouldn't be trying so hard to protect you if we thought you were."

He shook his head. "All I do is hurt people."

"That just because you're afraid. Fear hurts people. The villagers. Ostus, even yourself. But you can break that cycle."

"How?"

"Just...accept it. Your power has the potential for harm, yes. But there's a lot of good you can do with it, too. At the end of the day, it's still yours. How you use it is up to you."

That was what they wanted, he reminded himself. To break his resistance and let the magic corrupt him. The prospect didn't seem so bad now. If the villagers wouldn't accept him, the only person left was himself. He was so tired of fighting it, of losing control, of hating himself...

He caught his line of thinking and clenched his fists. He forced himself to remember the others who had gone down the same route. Kedar the Unyielding. The One Who Watches.

"He's not angry at you. In fact, he's quite happy now that the map is open. He's been asking it all sorts of questions." She let out a quick laugh. "He never got a chance to study it properly before. So he's having a great time."

The mental image of the crow, happily querying the map, frayed wing and all, made Tavor's mouth quirk.

"Come on," the cat said. "Let's go back. You'll get the hang of it one day."

Reluctantly, Tavor got up to follow her. They headed back to the shelter in silence. As the cat had said, the crow was intently studying the map when they returned.

Tavor watched him from the edge of the clearing. He did seem to be in a good mood, hopping from one edge of the map to the other, eyes gleaming. His skeletal wing hung by his side, and Tavor looked away.

"Fascinating, truly fascinating," the crow said. He looked up and saw the cat. "You're back! You must come and have a look. This map is an exceptional work of—"

He caught sight of Tavor, lingering behind her in the gloom, and broke off abruptly. For a long minute, neither of them spoke.

"I'm sorry," Tavor blurted out. "I shouldn't have — I-I didn't want to—"

"Boy." He made a little harrumph. "...Tavor." He scratched at the ground with a talon. "It is I who should apologise. I'm afraid I let panic get the better of me. Words were said that...perhaps shouldn't have been."

Tavor's shoulders sagged in relief. "You're not angry?"

"Not at all. I brought it on myself. But if this is what it takes to find Nestani, it is a burden I will bear with pride." He straightened up. "Come, now. While you were away, I managed to locate the Tower. It is not too far from here. We may still have time."

The cat perked up. "You think so?"

The crow nodded. "I do. But we must move quickly." He rolled up the map with his talons. "Let's go."

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