The digital clock facing me read 4:43 am. Every time I tried closing my eyes, the unadjustable brightness pulled me back to the waking reality. I didn't want to stay awake because then I'd have to continue replaying what just happened in my head. Axel's words echoed in my memory over and over and over again.
I didn't know what to do with that affection. I've been on my own for too long, words of affection and affirmation were foreign to me. I lived the past ten years looking after no one but myself. I didn't know what to do with his sweet, beautiful words. All I knew was that he made me feel emotions I never dreamt of feeling and a form of happiness I never knew existed. I don't want my social anxiety and fear to get in the way of my happiness because I could try denying it all I want -- I have fallen way too deep with this man. Just the thought that he was a few rooms down sent a jolt of electricity through my veins. His hair, smile, smell- everything about him makes me giddy.
I sighed a little too loudly because what the hell is my life?
"This is the fourth time you've sighed in the past two hours, are we going to sleep without any background music anytime soon?" came a muffled whisper from across the room.
Jeez does that woman sleep?
"And to answer the mental question you just asked yourself, how can I sleep when you've been sighing like clockwork?"
I giggled and turned to lie on my right side to face her. All I did was smile, but somehow she knew. She always knows.
"Would you like a designer wedding dress, or like, something store bought?" She sat up and turned on her night lamp, wrapping her blanket around her like a cute hijab.
"Huh? What?" I was at loss for words, because even if I can easily speak to myself in my head, it's still hard talking about it in the outside world.
"I'm sorry, did you think I didn't hear what he said to you? It's not like I needed any confirmation to know how he felt about you, but I'm telling you it's genuine. You deserve to be happy Sophia, please don't push him away. Allow him to drag you into the world of love because it's beautiful. I know that he will never hurt you -- you mean too much to him." She smiled a little.
She's right. Of course she's right.
"I know that Lara. And even though I may not show it, I am absolutely head over heels. Even the mere thought of him gets me unbelievably happy. I just don't know how to put emotions into words."
"I hate to break it to you buddy, but you just did. Now you have to channel that energy towards telling Axel."
"I don't know bro. It's like every time I try to say something, my mind goes blank. Looking back to five months ago when I used to be annoyed at him being so close and personal, and now I can't enough of talking to him. I hate feeling like this because it means I get to be vulnerable, and if you're vulnerable you get hurt."
"Sophia, being vulnerable is how people become intimate. Friendships or relationships can't blossom and get stronger if you're not vulnerable. What's the point of loving someone and blindly trusting them if you can't be open and vulnerable with them? Once you get past that stage, then you'll see why people love deeply..."
"Or why they hurt deeply..." I interjected.
She sighed, contemplating my previous statement.
"I mean yes, but being vulnerable means you're giving that person your heart and trusting that they love you enough to not break it."
Once again, she's right. I hate when she reverse psychology's me.
She continued. "I guess the question now is, do you trust that Axel loves you enough to not break your heart?"
YOU ARE READING
The Corner Store
Ficção AdolescenteI fell for a boy with the kindest blue eyes, and a charming dimple. He made me feel loved, and cared for, and most importantly he made me feel safe in his presence. He came right in the middle of a tornadoe and managed to turn it into blue skies. He...
