Opening Up

Chapter 17

"Eva," Dean said as we walked into our hotel room after we left Jazzy's. Jordan's band had played, and I was surprised by how well they all worked together. It was our first time in Lovington together, and we went for dinner with Peyton and Ben.

"I love you," he said, wrapping his arms around me. Slowly, we walked over to the bed a few feet from the doorway we had just passed.

"I love you too." I smiled up at him as he held me close to him. "What are you trying for at this moment?"

"Well..." There was a long pause, and fear rushed through my veins. I wasn't over everything with Danny, but working through it slowly. I was getting through it. "I mean." he kissed my neck softly, and I felt a rush of emotions take over. "If you wanted..." more kisses, "We could enjoy our night away from everyone."

"Dean," my throat was dry, and I was nervous. We hadn't discussed taking this step, and the fear overcame me.

"Eva, come on. You're going to be late for school." My mother's voice was clear through the doorway. I had finished my shower and tried fixing my hair, but I couldn't hold my arm that long. I felt broken and worthless. I couldn't even fix my hair.

Quickly, I hurry to the bedroom door. "Mom, will you help me fix my hair?"

"Yes, is everything okay?" She asked as she took a few quick steps to follow me back to the bathroom.

"No, my arms are hurting to the point I can't even put in a ponytail. I want to look nice today." As I spoke about Amy, tears burned my eyes.

"Hey, if you think it's too soon, why don't you stay home?" That was the mother I remember. I never want to push myself too far but always want what's best for me.

"No, I need to get back to a normal life. Sure, everyone will ask questions today, but it's nothing I haven't been through already." I tried to smile again, allowing the tears to fall this time.

"Well, if you want to come home in the middle of the day, call me, and I'll come to get you."

"Okay." I smile in the mirror at her as she fixes my hair.

"You are beautiful," she smiled at me, and I tried to remember the last time she helped me get ready for school. I miss these days. "Remember, no matter what happens, I will always be here."

"Thank you, mom. I have a question. How are you both dealing with knowing that I miscarried?" I ask her and watch as sadness fills her eyes and the emotion takes hold of her.

"It was hard at first. I mean, we didn't even know you were pregnant, so..." my mom paused as the tears started to fall. "It's still hard. How are you doing with it? Dean told me he spoke to you about it."

"I don't know. I had two weeks to understand it all while there, but I don't think I'll ever fully know how to feel about it. I miscarried because of being shot. It all goes back to Danny, and I don't know how to deal with it all!" We both were crying now, and I felt relief as I opened up about the pain and sorrow I was feeling.

"Girls," my father's voice echoes in my room. "Now, what's with these tears?" He asks, taking a few steps over to where we were standing.

"The grandchild that's in heaven," my mother said, and I saw my dad's head drop. The pain showed through even though he tried to be strong and brave for us.

"I'm sorry," he said, touching my mother's shoulder. "Now, I'm going to be late for a meeting if I don't get going, and Eva. Dean is waiting for you to go to school." He spoke, and I noticed he went into business mode. "I love you, my daughter, and I'm sorry you've had as much pain and sorrow as you've had this year, but we grow from that pain and become the person we are today because of it."