Blue Girl

It's Elizabeth to You

Elsie|Age 15
Freshman Year

I'm pretty sure Samantha Taylors hated me before I even spoke a single word to her. That January when her and Liam first started dating, she made it very clear that she didn't like us being friends. Liam was pretty clear with her that him and I were friends and nothing more. I couldn't help but feel a little bad. How could you want your boyfriend to be alone with another girl all the time? I guess I couldn't even blame her. I tried to distance myself from Liam a bit at school, I didn't want to seem like one of those jealous girl "best friends." In reality though I was exactly that. I was jealous of her holding his hand, stealing kisses and doing God knows what else in private. The thought made my stomach do somersaults, but I wasn't gonna let them know that.

Getting Samantha off of Liam's back meant no more wearing Liam's jersey to games. No more funny pictures on Instagram with him. No more hugs, piggyback rides in the halls. It felt like a part of our friendship had been lost, but I reminded myself she was his girlfriend, not me. I was reminded of it constantly. It was all I thought about.

At home we could be close, but once Samantha was in the picture, being physically affectionate with him felt dirty. it never felt the same after her. Like some invisible for was driving a wedge between us. Some force greater than a girlfriend. It was some unspoken boundary between us that made things stuffy and awkward and it had become unbearable.

By the time the end of freshman year came around, I had given Liam and Samantha enough space that Samantha was happy and Liam and I were still able to spend time together. 2 days after summer break started, I got a text from Liam to meet him outside to gym doors outside after football practice, the plan was to walk home together and watch movies.

I made the 15 minute trip to school and waited around for Liam with the other girls waiting for their football boys. I was constantly looking out for Samantha. I really didn't want to offend her. She wasn't a nice girl, but she certainly wasn't terrible and if Liam liked her then I could learn to.

The sound of the doors squeaking open had my head snapping up and away from my thoughts. I watched and waited as sweaty guys piled out, joking and laughing, making plans for summer parties. I spotted Liam in the sea of testosterone and gave him a wave to let him know I was there. He smiled at me in acknowledgment, but it never met his eyes. I wondered what was wrong. Had him and Samantha been fighting? Was he upset with me? He so rarely was. Anxiety pooled in my stomach as I waited for him to speak.

"Hey Blue, I wasn't sure you were coming."

"Of course I came, I said I would. Good practice?" I asked.

"Yeah it was good." He said.

"Oh that's good." I said.

God, why was everything so awkward right now? This was making me sweat. I just wanted things to feel normal. The silence that followed our brief conversation was like medieval torture. We walked home and as we reached his door he stopped to say something, but looked like he changed his mind.

"Sorry were you gonna say something?" I wondered.

"Uh- I- no it's fine. Actually yeah but let's talk inside." He said.

"Sure let's do it. Still wanna watch the Harry Potter movies? What are we on, the 4th one?" I asked.

"Yeah I think so."

We made our way to his room and i wiped my shaking hands on my jeans. I had no idea what was coming. It was starting to feel like when you get in trouble with your parents.

He closed the door behind him, set his bag down, and got straight to it,

"Look Blue, we can't hang out anymore. Samantha is on my ass about it every day and I'm over it. She's not on board with the whole 'my best friend is a girl' thing so..." he trailed off.

"Wait I thought you said she was okay with it I don't understand?"

"She was and now she's not. That's it Blue. Please don't make this a thing, it feels like you're gonna turn this into a thing." He spoke like he was annoyed with me.

"I can't just not see you Liam come on.." I said. I could feel tears sitting in my eyes and I didn't want them to spill.

"Blue, I don't know how else to say it. We're can't be friends anymore. No hanging out, no talking, texting. Nothing. It's not like this wasn't coming, we've been drifting apart for months now." He clipped.

The lump in my throat was the size of an avocado and I found it hard to form words and even harder to catch my breath. Why was he doing this?

"We're not drifting Liam. Look I know things are awkward but we're just getting the hang of being close friends while you have a girlfriend. I can back off of course but I want you in my life! Don't you want me in your life still?" I choked out.

"Don't you Liam?" I whispered.

I hadn't realized the tears behind my eyes were now a stream running down my cheeks.

"I think you should go Blue." He said quietly.

The stream turned flood and my tears couldn't be stopped. I couldn't leave if I wanted to, my legs were stiff and jello all at the same time.

Liam was all I had. Whenever things got bad Liam was the one who made it better. Only Liam could be that person for me. I didn't care if I couldn't have him in the way I wanted, I just wanted my friend back. If I were braver, or if I were less of a coward I would tell him how I felt here and now. Would he choose me? Of course not, he just told me he doesn't choose me.

I'm not sure how much time had gone by when I was finally ready to stand up. Liam was sat on the edge of his bed with a tired look on his face. I guess that was it. I had made him exhausted, he was tired of me.

But I knew better than to give him any more of my tears. My tears wouldn't change his mind, I decided I had to be cruel right back. I quickly started gathering my things that had accumulated in his room. He looked up at me with a confused expression.

"Is there anything you wanna say to me before I go? I'm not coming back Liam. This is your only chance to say anything you want." I clipped.

"Blue, I just hope you know I'm doing this because i love y-"

I snapped.

"Fuck you Liam. You don't love me. I never want to see you again." With that I turned to leave.

"Wait Blue-"

"We're done."I opened the door and turned to say one last thing with tears in my eyes,

"And it's Elizabeth to you. Don't ever call me Blue again."