Blue Girl

Brand New Blue

Elsie|Age15/16
Summer+Sophomore Year

After the incident, I tried my extra hardest to forget about Liam. Don't get me wrong it was hard because he was my next-door neighbor. But I tried and tried. I wasn't gonna let anyone see me cry about it. I spent the entire summer before sophomore year crying and sleeping. It was enough that even my mom wouldn't check on me. That's when I realized I had to stop moping. It was done and there was no going back or changing it. No amount of crying or wishing could get me a different outcome. So I put on my big girl pants and I got to work.

Mom had a stable job with a decent income, enough to pay the bills and feed the alcohol addiction, but every few months, my dad sent a big wad of chump change as a way to keep me happy. It was 'hey baby! Sorry I abandoned you!' money. Luckily for me I never felt inclined to spend his tainted money, so I currently had a whopping $12,000 in my bank account. Mom would spend what she needed and put the rest in my bank. The week before 10th grade started I spent $4000 get a new wardrobe and getting a dye job. Liam had once loved my waist length strawberry red hair, so I chopped it to my ribs and got it dyed the prettiest honey blonde. A big fuck you to him, but one that also boosted my confidence. I got my lashes done and picked out the prettiest (but comfy) outfits I could find. I felt like a new person, and I was one. That day in Liam's room had changed me completely and I was a little worse for the wear. Getting a whole new look was just step one in my very long list of things to help forget about him.

Step number two, however, was far more complicated for me: make friends. Liam and Liam-adjacent people were all I knew. Maybe I spent more time on him than I thought. I really had no friends of my own.

Getting a new look was all part of me making friends. Look good, feel good. I had to be confident if I was going to be outgoing enough to get someone to wanna be my friend.

Sophomore year was a whirlwind for me. The makeover worked. My confidence had never been so high, and making girlfriends came easy after that. I was able to talk about things like clothes and makeup with girls now. I made hair appointments with girls and we would go shopping. I made friends with lots of people, but my favorite one I made was Chelsea Witter. Chelsea was the funniest girl I had ever met and we had most everything in common. She's liked to read and spend time outside. She was into fashion and she was a cheerleader for our school. Everybody loved her. Being friends with her came so easy, and by the end of sophomore year, we were besties. Elsie and Chelsea.

We spent that summer going to parties and practicing cheer stunts. Chelsea was determined to get me on the squad for junior year. I had nothing better to do. So I dropped debate and focused on athletics.

I worried about joining the squad. I had managed to go the entirety of summer, sophomore year, and summer again without coming into direct contact with Liam. Liam was still a varsity football player and being on the cheer squad meant 100% I was going to have to face the bastard.

I was lucky enough to not have had to face him at all for almost two years now and it was time to stop letting it control me. It's not like him and Samantha lasted. The break up was 2 months into sophomore year and I'd heard about it through the grapevine.

I thought maybe after they broke up that Liam might come running back to me and want to be my friend. He never did. I was naive and felt like a fool for even thinking it. He broke my heart and I never wanted to love somebody again. That was that.

As summer dwindled down, I thought about how different my life was now. I had put in a lot of work to forget about Liam, but all that work made me open up and make friends of my own. I really liked who I had become. It was all thanks to Liam, even though the last thing I'd ever do is thank that shit head. I decided that if i ever had to see him this year, I would remain neutral and passive. Not caring about his presence felt like winning somehow.

However, I couldn't deny that in the deepest part of my heart I still had a piece of Liam with me. We had spent holidays together, and I had grown close with his family. Losing him felt like losing them as well, and of course it was. seeing his mom was incredibly awkward for me now, she had once felt like my family too. Now whenever I saw her I was dying to get away so I didn't have to face her, or worse, face her son. Thinking about it now, Liam cutting me off was about more than just me and him, it was like snatching away something precious to me that was one of a kind. I was never going to get back that part of me. I had made my peace with all of it, but it still hurt.