Shattered (The Secret Life of JK)

CHAPTER 6

~JUNGKOOK~

Y/N is amazing. It doesn't matter what's wrong, she brings JUNGKOOK back to life.

He moves through the school and goes to his classes like it's any other day. JUNGKOOK smiles and jokes, but it's different now. That hollow feeling inside his chest has someone to fill it. Y/N knows him like no one else. She understands him. JUNGKOOK wishes so badly that Y/N didn't, but at the same time, he's glad she does. It's one of those things that he can't explain.

And right now he feels caught. JUNGKOOK can go on without her, but he doesn't want to. Love isn't like that, is it? Is it selfish? He didn't think so, and keeping Y/N in his life is selfish. Things will only get worse. JUNGKOOK is falling down a pit, head first. He knows he's mid free-fall, and that he took Y/N with him. The crap with his father isn't over. Add to the fact that he's homeless and his life is just getting worse.

But... but if he leaves Y/N alone, her father will crush her. The light in her eyes will disappear. She'll give in and be what he wants, which is that demur version of Y/N. JUNGKOOK brings out the other side of her, the real Y/N. The one that is all vibrant and fantastic. The side she hides from the world.

JUNGKOOK glances across the stage. Y/N is in the wing. The stage lights cast a golden glow on her skin as she waits for her cue. Her long hair is soft and totally touchable. When Y/N woke him this morning, JUNGKOOK thought he was dreaming. Any touch from her sends him reeling. It's like she's his angel, his second chance, but somehow that isn't what's happened. Instead of pulling him up, he's sucking her down. JUNGKOOK swallows hard. The thoughts pummel his mind in a relentless wave. He'd give anything for her - do anything to make her happy. After last night -

His thoughts are cut off when Y/N senses his gaze and looks up at him. She smiles. That soft, shy smile drives him crazy. He winks at her, knowing that it'll conceal his thoughts. Y/N has a way of reading him that scares him to death. One glance at his eyes and she knows exactly what he's thinking. Hiding things from her is difficult.

JUNGKOOK honed in on things that set her off balance a while ago and uses them judiciously to set her off kilter when she gets too close. Damn it. He really needs to make up his mind and pull her in or push her away. You don't deserve her, a small voice reminds him. It's the same voice that said don't fight back. JUNGKOOK doesn't know what that is anymore. Last night, when the voice said to be still, he nearly died because of it. Maybe he's been listening to the wrong voice all this time? Maybe he should have fought back before now. He doesn't know and dwelling on it won't change anything.

JUNGKOOK takes his cue and enters the stage, while banishing the whole mess from his mind. He says his lines perfectly and it's all Y/N's doing. When he enters the stage to act opposite her, JUNGKOOK can't help beaming. His smile is at full wattage. The acting is a reprieve, a chance to pretend that his horrid life doesn't exist. It's a chance to escape, and escaping it with Y/N makes his time on stage even better.

They act - they fight, they banter, they kiss - it's as if this is a dream. If only life were this simple. If only saying a few well-chosen words could really fix his mistakes. JUNGKOOK grins and pulls Y/N close. She has that shy thing going on. It drives him crazy. The stage lights make her more radiant than she already is. JUNGKOOK can't think about anything but kissing her when her eyes lower like that, and she looks up at him from under her lashes.

Y/N says her lines, but it feels real. For half a second, JUNGKOOK is lost in the scene. He's not himself. His past is gone, his pain is gone. Y/N holds his heart and there is nothing else. They're in their own world and there is nothing weighing them down, no one to hold them back or break them apart. Y/N looks at his eyes and he's lost in her gaze. There's no place better than this. It feels real. It feels like this could be his life, like he could have Y/N and make her happy. For a second, hope floats into his chest and it feels so real that he can taste it. Then, the lights fade into blackness. The moment fractures as the curtain swings halfway closed and abruptly stops.

Y/N is breathing hard. She steps away from him. Their relationship is still a secret. She glances at him out of the corner of her eye and smirks before exiting the stage. JUNGKOOK watches her walk around to the back of the theater and out the door. His eyes trail her slender frame too long.

JIMIN is sitting in the empty auditorium with a few other people. They mill around while we try to run through the entire play from start to finish, with lighting, and sound. The mic guy is doing well. There are hardly any issues with him, but the lighting guy is having problems with the spots.

Working with the lights on is awesome, but they're really warm. JUNGKOOK is glad they shut them off when he walks toward the front of the stage. He lowers himself and swings his legs off the edge and sits, looking out at vacant chairs. JUNGKOOK pushes his hair out of his eyes. Tucke and JONG-SU lighting crew are yelling back and forth. The guy in the lighting cage curses and the lights dim.

Then, the remaining stage lights turn off completely. JONG-SU is yelling at them to switch to the spot, but they turn on a set of lights behind him. JUNGKOOK looks back behind him at the golden light, blocking his eyes with his arm, wondering how many more times they'll need to run through it tonight before everyone leaves.

JUNGKOOK wonders how long he can hide out in the basement without going home, how long it will be until he's caught.

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