I lay here on my bed, snuggled up under the covers. I didn't really know how many minutes, hours, and days had passed. The changing shades of light that I could see from my closed windows is the only thing g reminding me that the world is moving on and it's just me who's laying here pretending that the time has stopped.
I look around myself, it's the same room, the same furniture, and the same walls. Everything is the same except it isn't the same day anymore. A small voice inside me tells me that I should get up and go out.
But, do I have to? This feels so good that I don't wanna leave this comfort. But I have a life, reminds me the same voice from earlier.
I hate this passing of time sometimes. Because there are days when I feel like doing nothing and just stay right where I am now. But the world is not gonna stop with me. I have things to do, deadlines to meet, people to impress, and grades to keep up. It all feels like too much.
I always imagine myself running away from all this. But, I also know that there's no way out of this agonizing cycle.
Life never stops demanding things from me. It was fun at first but slowly things started getting painful. And it continued for so long that I no longer feel that pain. All I could feel was this numbness inside my heart.
I keep thinking about the times when I was a happy child. I keep asking myself about that wrong turn that I took which made me land up here. But no matter how hard I try, I don't have an answer. I keep digging my past searching for things that made me happy. But they don't exist anymore. It's as if those parts of me are wiped off from my memory.
I keep trying to find new things. But, even that doesn't work. My heart never races like it did before. My lips never curl into a smile like they did before.
Among all these things, what scares me most is the probability that I have to remain this way forever.
Are things ever gonna change?
-Parthavi ❤️🩹
