Second Fate

7

Meredith Montgomery left the house, but her words stayed in my mind as cold as new-fallen snow. They buried my feelings under a thick layer, numbing the rage and disappointment which should've begun to spread through my body.

I'd found my way to the couch, where Rune was sleeping soundly, and was sitting in silence. Outside, the wind was howling and shaking the treetops, but the living room was quiet. The only sound was Rune's soft breathing.

My own was barely audible.

What was I to Vine if he already had a soulmate? It would've hurt less if he'd just come unto me with honesty. Now I had to feel like a fool.

Had I really thought that he could be mine?

Vine had told me clearly during that night in the forest; he'd shown me over and over again with his actions by avoiding me for seven long years. Never minding that, I'd jumped on the first chance to live out my delusions.

Now it was time to come back to reality and safe the little dignity I had left.

"Let's go to bed", I murmured, while I scooped the sleeping toddler into my arms.

Rune was exhausted from a long day of playing and didn't open his eyes while I carried him up the stairs and into his parents' room, which was furnished with dark wood and leather. It was an elegant room during the day, but the moon gave the heavy, old-fashioned furniture an eerie glow at night.

Going into auto-mode, I put Rune into his wooden crib and pulled he yellow blanket over him. Cara had knitted it during her first pregnancy. It was a rough knit, obviously made by an amateur, but she'd rarely been prouder of something. It was a sign that her child was expected and loved, she'd told me, and at night he would be able to hold it and remember that he always had a home to feel safe in.

Before Neal, there'd been no such place for Cara, so I knew where her motivation was stemming from. I very much felt the same urge for something lasting and intimate but in contrast to her, I wasn't brave enough to admit it. It was a scary thought to open up to someone, so I had resigned to never truly being with someone, always just around them. No complicated feelings meant no more disappointments, I'd thought, and I had been astoundingly skilled at keeping my heart out of the relationships I'd led.

I'd been alright with that, or so I'd tried to convince myself for the past seven years.

But seeing Vine again had woken up the desire to connect to someone. It had reminded me of how easily my inner thoughts seemed to spill out with him and touching him had made me imagine how it would be to wake up next to his warmth, his scent, this presence that kept all my senses prisoner. Whether fate was involved or not, I'd tasted the forbidden fruit and I wanted more – only that it wasn't possible.

Rune rolled to his side, clenching the blanket with his chubby fist, and I turned away from the crib. Slowly, to avoid the many creaking floorboards of the old mansion, I descended to the ground floor and made my way into the kitchen.

Grabbing a clean glass, I got myself some water for my throat which had become dry and painful.

The sound of water crashing into the metal sink cleared my thoughts for a second but as soon as I returned to the couch, the thick fog returned and made it hard to think at all. What I was going to do wasn't on my mind yet; I was fully in the grip of a shock much more intense than it should be felt for someone who'd never been in my life.

I sat there, almost motionless, until Cara returned early from the congregation. Detached from the events of the evening, I answered all of her questions about Rune's behavior before I let her show me into a guest room.