My Journey with a Criminal

4th September 2022

It was September, and the situation with Mohammed amine was normal. I ignored many red flags; he was involved in drugs dealing and criminal activities. I used to arrange sim cards for him, so I had access to his number anytime I wanted, but I didn't use it because I trusted him until September. He didn't answer fast, and I knew there was something, he is cheating. You would never know how I felt, it was like my heart was ripping out of my body, it was like killing me from the inside. I saw the girls name, I didn't know what I saw, I couldn't believe it. Everything was fake, I see the messages, and I could kill myself. I knew this wasn't for me from the beginning. I cried for days, nights, and months about this. So, I texted him with the screens and I said I end it. He found all excuses to keep me at his side, he said it's my friend's girlfriend not mine. How could I fall for that, but I did. With the thought that I always have his number and will check it every time. I gave him another chance. We were toxic, and I wasn't good in love things, I talked with him like I talked to my enemy. And I kept it like that for a few months. Then my love started to flourish more, but we did fight all the time. He was living in Morocco and had it tough, he wanted to go to Europe. I was always supporting his dreams while mine were drowning. I wanted to see him at the top and get everything what he wants, basically when my happiness depended on his mood. If he was angry, I was angry too, and if he was happy, I became immediately happy. He finished school and entered criminal activities. I was in my exam year, and I was busy with work and school and of course with him. It was so overwhelming for me; that it killed me from inside, and I became increasingly perfectionistic. This year I had to focus on my school, but we were calling every night till 4:00 while I had to wake up at 7:00. I kept staying up late for him, I won't lie. Those nights were dream nights, we talked about our dreams or goals and everything. I knew that nothing will be the same if we go back, but I came back. In the beginning it was hard but then slowly things turned back to normal, and my hart started to beat again for him.