when in college

sixteen

The next morning I woke up alone. The roof was quiet and vacant and cold. I finally found my cellphone in the mess of blankets and pillows and called Niall.
No answer. I decided to go downstairs and ask Cameron.
"I thought you guys got in a fight. He stormed out a few hours ago. Haven't seen him since."
I tried not to jump to conclusions.
I walked outside and his car was nowhere to be found.
I begin to panic. He's been gone for hours. Pacing around the roof, my feet shuffle the cold cement and I welcome the numbness it brings. Lighting my third cigarette from the pack he left, I never thought I would crave this goddamn bitter taste.
A feeling of helplessness overcame me as I slid down the wall. My heart was trying to claw its way out of my throat. Hot tear formed mercilessly and slid down my fragile face as I continued to take long, slow drags. Smoke splutters alongside shaking, pitiful sobs.
And there he was. He walked through the door with a blank look on his face.
"What wrong with you?" He quizzed emotionlessly.
I held my breath and begged the tears to stop.
I controlled my breathing and crushed my cigarette to the pavement with a sharp sizzle.
"Get your stuff. We're leaving." He demanded.
With a clenched jaw, I stared at the grey town passing me by with each second through the window. I tried not to remember how much more beautiful it seemed last night.
After I knew my voice wouldn't shake, I dared to ask him why he was being such an asshole.
"I don't know what you mean. You're the one that's acting weird."
I kept quiet mostly because I would started crying all over again if I didn't.
He huffed and gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Look, last night I was simply trying to comfort you. I knew you were having a hard time. I don't want you to believe it was anything more than that."
I wish he would stop talking. I wish I could stop being such a baby and pretend his words didn't affect me.

"Well next time I would prefer if you left me the hell alone instead."

"Okay, next time I'll just let you get fucking raped." He snapped.

By this point I was crying again. I covered my mouth with my hand and turned to the window to make it seem like nothing was wrong but who was I kidding? It was obvious he knew.

"Stop playing dumb." I sobbed. "You know what I mean. Stop telling me sweet things and kissing me and playing with my hair and holding me. Stop pretending you care only to push me away and act cold the next moment."

I was sure I sounded whiney and my voice shook but I didn't care. At least I said what I needed to.

He stared at the road with a hurt look on his face but he covered it up quickly with a glare when he noticed my gaze in his peripheral vision.
Suddenly he pulled over on the side of a busy road.
He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to me.
He grabbed my collar and pulled me to him, placing a passionate kiss on my lips.
I was now on his lap. I detached my lips and stared at him.
"What's going on?"
He sighed. "I got a call this morning. I have some business that I need to attend to."
"What type of business?" I asked warily.
"Business that you can never know about." He placed a peck on my cheek and I moved back to the passenger side.
"Why not?"
"Because, darling. You'll never look at me the same again." He answered easily and turned back onto the road.
I decided not to ask questions.
I wake up not even knowing I fell asleep. I notice the sun setting and the clock indicates I've been out for about two hours. My surroundings don't look familiar at all.
"Niall, what are we doing?" He looks surprised that I woke up and glances at me.
"Finishing my business. It shouldn't take long."
I huff, getting slightly annoyed with him being so secretive and his mixed signals.
Approximately twenty minutes later we arrive at a seven eleven and I am relieved.
"Thank God. Can we get some snacks? I'm hungry."
We park in the back which is strange but I don't question it. He hands me a twenty and tells me he'll meet me after he finishes his cigarette.
I grab a cherry coke, a bag of Doritos, and a pack of newports for Niall.
When I get back in the car, Niall is no where to be seen. I shrug it off and figure he went in to use the bathroom.
After I finish my food I begin to get worried. Where is he?
I get out of the car but as I turn to shut my door I am paralyzed in shock. Niall is running to me.
What surprised me was the absence of his shirt and the blood splattered on his chest, face, and covering his hands.
"Get in the car!" He yelled as he approached. My adrenaline kicks in and I do as I'm told with shaking palms.
As we speed from the parking lot I begin firing questions.
"Are you okay? What the hell is going on?"
"Baby, it's alright."
He assured me. He told me everything was going to be okay. Breathe, baby girl. I'm here and you're safe.
We arrived at a cheap hotel and Niall gave me the money to get us a room. I brought the key out and was met with the sight of Niall leaned against the car, blood adorning his body and a cigarette on his lips.
After he showered I decided not to ask questions. I knew his stubborn nature would not allow me such information. Basking in his good mood, I laid in his arms, feeling his lips peck my neck.