when in college

fifteen

"Where is Josh?" Niall spoke when Cameron and I were done greeting each other.

"Went out to get some pizza. Can you believe that no places deliver this late! Crazy."

"Completely unbelievable." Niall chuckled.

"So, what brings you here?"

"Well, I was actually going to stay up at the roof if you don't mind. It's been a while."

"Oh yeah, man. You're welcome here anytime. You know that."

I wondered how long Niall has know about this place and how often he has been here. Also what's on the roof?

"Is there anything to sleep on up there?" Niall questions.

"We have a few spare mattresses in the back room. If you wanna help me bring them up."

"Of course." Niall then turns to me. "You think you could stay and watch the register, Tiff? We won't be long."

I nodded and mumbled a "Yeah."
I went behind the register as Niall and Cameron made their way to a door in the back, adjacent to the register. When they opened the door and entered, I got a glimpse of what looked like a bedroom before the door shut behind them. My guess is that Cameron lives here.

They emerged from the room carrying a large mattress, Niall on one end and Cameron on the other. They then went into the door on the wall directly beside the register and began going up the stairs, repeating the process with the next matress.

I was admiring the colorful tee shirts on the back wall when Niall's voice startled me.
"All done!" He clapped his hands together. "C'mon Tiff, we can go get all the stuff out of the car now."

It wasn't as much of a struggle to get all the blankets and pillows out of the car, as it was just annoying. I got a big fluffy comforter in my arms with a few pillows and it seemed like every few steps I took, I would drop something. Niall said it was because I was trying to carry too much at one time. At that point I had to insist that making two trips was for pussies. He rolled his eyes at me but right before he bent down to pick up a pillow I dropped, I caught a glimpse of him biting his cheek in order to surpress a smile. I knew that face because it's the same one he made right before he busted out laughing at my obnoxious singing in the car.

Niall took the blankets from my arms and told me to get our bags out of the car instead, which I was okay with. When I got to the car I turned around and watched as he walked into the shop holding everything in his big arms, not once struggling.

I don't exactly know what I expected the roof to look like, but let's just say that I was thoroughly surprised when I reached the top step. It was vast with concrete floors and white fairy lights wrapped around the ledge of the front of the building. I recognized the large matresses stacked on top of each other where Niall was throwing blankets and pillows on top of. When he realized I was standing in the doorway he did a double take.

"I know it's not much, but it's something." He shrugged his shoulders as he walked to me until we were standing side by side. He put his hands in his pockets and sighed while looking out over the city. The view was mezmerizing. All the lights and bulidings had absolutely no meaning to anyone who walked on the concrete streets everyday, but to me it meant so much. It signified hope as cheesy as it seems. I come from a small town with nothing and standing here, right now, is everything I could dream of.

I felt my arms around Niall's neck and the moisture on my face. I didn't even think twice about hugging him. I didn't even know I started crying. It was so right, this was so increbile, but I'm not good with words so when I pulled away I said

"This is so cool."

I know he knew how much this meant to me.

____

I was sitting on the matress with my elbows propped up on the ledge looking out over the edge.

So far tonight, Niall and I have kissed six times. It's so casual that it feels wrong. I told him that. He said that I could never do anything wrong because I'm an angel. He says that I'm an angel for many different reasons, the main one being "When you see paintings of angels, they always have one thing in common; rosy cheeks. Sometimes when I watch you, I can tell that you see me out of the corner of your eye or you know, because your cheeks always turn pink. I wait for it. That's what I've always remembered thinking. She's an angel."
To this I replied with yet another blush. Niall has smoked five cigarettes since we have been on the roof. He called me baby four times. On three different occasions, he's asked me to pick out my favorite song from his albums on the record player he borrowed from Cameron. He has rested his hand on my thigh twice. We have had countless sips from the bottles of vodka.

We finished the whipped cream flavored bottle together. It's my favorite because at first it's sweet, but after a while it gets a bitter after taste. It reminds me of Niall. I didn't tell him this.

We laid on the king size bed under the dark city sky, sharing a joint, and listening to the light hum of music and the cars going by. They were right when they said the city never sleeps, you know.

I told Niall of my theory about The City and Hope and why I cried when I saw the roof. I told him no one has ever showed me anything like it before. He listened when I complained about life in a small town. He asked me how I got the scar on my hip as he traced it with his fingertips.

We kissed for the seventh time tonight. This one lasted the longest and he pulled me on top of his chest and grabbed the back of my thigh and the roots of my hair. I cupped his cheeks in both of my hands.

After Kiss Number Seven, I laid on his chest and it was his turn to talk. Niall said that he too had suffered the Small Town Syndrome when he lived in Ireland. While he twirled my hair around his finger, he told me he wanted to move to bigger and better places. He wanted to travel. We shared the same dreams.

He worked at Urban Records. That's where he first met Cameron and that Josh guy him and Cameron were talking about. He said he got mad at his uncle and brother and kids at school a lot. He got mad at his mom for making him move here when he was 13. Now he's thankful.
He talked about how he used to come to the roof a lot when he was in high school. I understood that the roof was his favorite place without him having to tell me, but he did anyway.

He told me I was right when I said the city gives you hope.

Once, Niall even said that I give him hope.

I think that it was the alcohol talking. Or the weed.
I was trying not to be naive. I know how sometimes people say things they don't mean.
I know how sometimes, you can get your hopes up only to be met with disappointment, but damn.

He was looking at me like I was New York City.