Feeling Tidal

Six

Looking up from my book, I saw my mom standing against my doorframe holding open her laptop. I quickly took off my headphones, placing them beside me. Who knows how long she had been waiting for my attention there.

"What's up?" I asked with a puzzled face.

She took a seat on my bed, showing me her screen.

Edward Island Enrollment

"There's two options for school in the fall," she started.

My stomach immediately twisted. I had never liked school, and starting at a new one for my senior year of high school made me want to puke. The words made my entire world shrink, like the ends of the Earth were surrounding me. I had been too distracted with the entire move, of course, to even think of the fact I'd be starting at a new school. My eyes began to tear up, and I knew exactly how this was going.

"Mena, listen it's not going to be anything like you're thinking right now." my moms gentle hand smoothed along my back. "This one here," she pointed to the screen with her other hand. "there's only like 300 people in the whole high school and the other one almost 700."

"It's gonna suck either way, can't I do something online?" I said in a quiet voice, using my sleeve to wipe a tear from my eye.

"You need specific credits, the school can make sure you get everything."

For the next few moments I just watched as she scrolled through the description of each school. This reminded me why I never let my hopes up. Just as I started thinking 30% positively of this place, the idea of school hit me straight in the chest. A genuine feeling of nausea hit me hard.

"What about that nice boy we saw at the surf shop?" her question distracted me temporarily. "Next time you see him, ask which school he's going to so there's a familiar face."

That sounds humiliating. Why on Earth would I ask, honestly a damn stranger which school he goes to so I can puppy dog follow him around. He probably was friendly with everybody.
I'm just scared, as i've always been. Scared of change. Scared of assuming. Scared of judgement and humiliating myself. Scared of the future. I'm simply a scared person. Everything had the potential to make me look stupid, which i'm also scared of.

"Honey lets go!" my dad up called from downstairs.

"Shit that's right, your father and I have to go grocery shopping," her gave me side hug, kissing the top of my head. "Sleep on it okay, and let me know which one sounds better tomorrow."

The second she left, shutting my door behind her, my legs tensed up along with the rest of my body. I turned to get under my covers and just laid there, slightly trembling. Anxiety attacks were so common to me I could not remember the last time I went a whole week without one. Some more intense than others of course.

Before I knew it, I woke up to my mom knocking on my door. She came in with a cup of water and a plate of chicken and pasta salad, putting it right on my nightstand. Once again she took a seat on my bed.

"What time is it?" My groggy voice asked her as I sat up and saw how dark it was. Late enough she had finished making dinner.

"It is-" she started, flipping over to see the time on her Apple watch. "8 o'clock."

"Thank you," I mumbled, taking a sip from the cup.

"You wanna know something?" she asked. I raised an eyebrow at her while she kept her focus at my closet door. She seemed stressed, which made me feel guilty because my anxiety would occasionally trigger hers.