i can do it with a broken heart (badlinu)

i.

leavers day

i open my eyes as the gold light streams through the curtains i forgot to close last night. i let out a groan as i sit up, my throat dry. grabbing the drink at my bedside table, my phone lets out a loud ringing noise. who the fuck is calling me at- i look at my alarm clock. 7:30 in the damn morning? my alarm hasn't even gone off yet, it's still got 5 minutes.

i answer, "hello?" my voice is laced with sleep. i sit up and rub my eyes before taking a sip of my drink. "y/n! hello! you're coming in for leavers day right?" freddie's voice comes through my speaker. "yeah i am. last day of college can't exactly miss it." i mutter back as i get up and begin to get dressed, grabbing things from my wardrobe to put on. "see you there!" freddie calls before hanging up.

i finish getting changed and grab some breakfast from the kitchen then i take the short 10 minute walk to school. i arrive and greet tommy and freddie by the lockers. "hey boys, ready to get out of this shithole?" i say with a grin. tommy laughs and nods his head vigorously at me whilst freddie just slings an arm around my shoulders. "you know it!" he grins as we walk to our first class of the day.

the morning passes by, classes with teachers giving us words of advice and letting us talk and have fun for the hour. it's like a blur. before i know it it's lunch time and we're all celebrating our final day with food, activities and a school leavers day video. "i could have made something better! i'm a damn music and art scholar here why won't they ever let me use my talent?!" i rant quietly to tommy and freddie as we watch the video at our table at the back of the hall.

tommy just complains he's not in the video enough and freddie just nods at me. soon the video is over and we're given our leavers hoodies, mine a dark red along with tommy's. freddie's is a sky blue. "traitor!" i joke as i nudge him with my shoulder. freddie laughs and nudges me back. tommy pushes between us. "we've done it boys! we escaped and made it out as men!" he cheers, slinging an arm around both our shoulders. i clear my throat.

"and woman." tommy exclaims after. i laugh, tommy always calls me one of the boys. i think he sometimes forgets i'm not one. it doesn't bother me though, i like being one of the boys. i've known tommy and freddie for 2 years now and we're as close as ever- maybe even closer. either way they're my best friends. we practically do everything together, hell we even know each other's passcodes to open each other's phones.

my phone chimes, it's sitting on the table in front of us, beside tommy and freddie's. "who's jason?" tommy asks as he spots the contact name. freddie grabs my phone before i can grab it myself. "my manager." i say to tommy. freddie reads the message, his face turning from a smile to a blank expression before he show's the message to tommy. "what? what's wrong?" i ask, confusion lacing my voice as i look at them. "you're going on tour?" tommy asks he seems excited for me, a stark contrast to freddie who now looks upset.

"you're leaving us?" freddie looks up from my phone with a glare. tommy watches us, he seems unsure if he should side with me or freddie. "freddie it's my dream to go on tour. this is what i've always wanted." i mutter trying to explain. freddie scoffs and glares harder at me as he hands my phone back. "you're abandoning me and tommy!" he shouts angrily and stands up, i look at tommy.

tommy shakes his head slightly. he doesn't see this as me leaving him. "tommy doesn't see this as me leaving him-" i start but freddie cuts me off with bitter laughter that makes my blood run cold. "you promised you'd never leave me. tommy may just see it as you temporarily leaving but i see it as you leaving me behind to become a star." freddie takes a step back as he speaks.

"i'm not leaving you behind! don't be ridiculous-" i start again as i stand up and take a step forward but freddie takes another step back. "it's me or your tour." he snaps at me, i glare at him angrily. how dare he? we've been friends for 2 years now and he wants to ruin it because of my career? i know he's scared of me leaving him behind but i won't abandon my career, it's my dream. "i choose my tour." i sneer, my voice ice cold. 

tommy stands up as he watches us. he looks worried. i look at him trying to hold back tears before looking back at freddie. freddie looks taken aback for a moment but then scoffs. "fine! just don't expect me to be here if you ever come back!" freddie yells at me angrily. i glare at him. "fine!" i snarl, with that i walk away trying to hide my tears. tommy follows me shortly after as i hear freddie running away in the opposite direction.

"it'll be okay. he'll get over it." tommy tries to reason to me as we walk out the hall. i sniffle and blink my tears back. "he won't tommy. this is it. he sees this as me leaving him behind for my career." i sniffle again and sigh. "i'll stay in contact with you though." i mutter and look at tommy with a weak smile. tommy nods and gives me a tight hug, i hug back hiding my face in his shoulder.

the rest of the day is uneventful, tearful goodbyes and cards being given out. by the end of it all i'm feeling a little melancholy. i haven't seen freddie since earlier and i don't know if i will see him again. tommy's stayed by my side, occasionally leaving to talk to a few other people but he stays close by. i hope freddie's okay without tommy.

eventually the day ends and i hug tommy again before leaving the school grounds for the last time we'll all be together that isn't exams. i take the 10 minute walk back home, clouds starting to appear and fill the sky. it's like pathetic fallacy, like the weather suddenly revolves around me and my feelings. i sigh as i arrive back home, shutting the front door behind me. my phone rings, it's jason calling. i pick up.