Dear Shitty Dazai

HOW DO YA'LL LIKE THIS I'M SPOUTING CRAP OUT THE TOP OF MY HEAD

WARNINGS: there are none for once lmfao but really what is the use of these if its literally a smutfic from the first chapter

Chuuya goes to the bathroom to clean himself up while Dazai is shaving and brushes his teeth. He gets into the shower and turns the hot water on.

"Chuuyaaaaaa"

"What do you want dumbass"

"Nothing~ Just at how good you look right nowww~"

Chuuya flushes a dark red and turns away from Dazai flustered.

"S-shut up bastard"

Dazai grins and continues getting ready for the day while putting on his bolo tie. Chuuya puts on his (very oversized) coat and heads out the door with Dazai trailing behind him.

"Ne chibikko~ what are you doing for work today~"

"Just the usual Dazai" Chuuya sighs. He is really fed up with Dazai's antics right now.'

"If you're going to pull something like you did yesterday, i'm hunting you down to make sure you can't walk."

"Kinky~"

"Not like that idiot"

...It's definitely like that

Shut up Arahabaki

They continue walking to their workplace. Chuuya starts to get frustrated.

"Dazai why the fuck are you following me to the port mafia biulding the agency is the other direction." He grumbled as they were only 10 minutes away.

"What I can't visit an old home once in a while~"

"Not this one and clearly you never liked it so why bother coming back"

"Chuuya is so meeaaannn~"

Dazai fakes hurt with his puppy eyes and a hand over his heart. Chuuya glares at him not falling for a second of it. The brunette pouts and tries hugging Chuuya but he sidesteps and he falls on his face.

"Slug's so meaaaannn~"

"Get up and deal with it and quit following me go back to the agency"

"Does Chuuya not love me anymoreee"

"No now get up and leave I'm going to be late."

"Not what you said last night~" Dazai says with a smirk.

"Oh shut up mackerel"

"Alright then chibiii see you laterr~"

Chuuya scoffs and turns around while Dazai starts walking in the other direction.

"Welp i'm gonna be late but its worth itt~"

Dazai arrives at the agency and immediately Kunikida yells "DAZAI WHERE WERE YOU WORK STARTED 45 MINUTES AGO" Dazai f

"Relaxxx Kunikida-kunnn I was out trying another method of suicidee."

Kunikida scoffs and rolls his eyes "whatever just get back to work, you have a mission with the mafia later."

Dazai perks up from his spot on the couch "REALLY~"

Kunikida looks a little startled with his enthusiasm. "Yes with the ginger executive" 

Dazai's face lights up and he jumps up from the couch. Yosano rolls her eyes. Dazai then looks at Ranpo who has his glasses on and is staring at him intently. He freezes and stares at him.

"Heyy Ranpo i'll buy you any snacks you want okayy?"

Ranpo brightens up immediately and takes his glasses off with a smirk "Alright~ but you better get the right ones."

Atsushi is just staring in confusion at the whole thing. 

"Ok Dazai just get back to wor- KENJI GET THAT COW OUT OF HERE THIS HARDLY WORKSPACE APPROPRIATE"

"But Kunikida-san the cow isn't doing anything"

"STILL IT IS DISTRACTING TO THE OTHERS " He sighs in exasperation.

"Okay Kunikida san!" Kenji starts taking his cow outside to the roof. 

The morning drags on with Dazai doing one paper out the the huge stack on his desk. "Dazai its 2 pm and you have done ONE sheet. I repeat ONE"

"Shinju wa~ Hitori de Wa Dekiruuuu~"

Kunikida scowls goes over to the couch, and donks Dazai on the head. 

"Owwww~ Kunikida-kunnn what was that forr~"

"Everything Dazai everything. Now go with Atsushi to one of the PM wear houses. "

"WHAT WHY ME??!!" Atsushi snaps his head up in frustration.

"Because you have to go work with your partner."

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT FAIR "

"Oh come on Atsushi-kunn~ you know you like himm~" Dazai smirks

Atsushi flushes a dark red and yells "NO I DON'T STOP ASSUMING THINGS"

Kunikida sighs "This is going to be a long day"

For all you horny ass people i have no clue what to do for smut rn so i need ideas. CHERRY I CAN ALREADY HEAR YOU SO DON'T START YELLING UP MY ASS