True Tales Of An X Junkie

Alec's First Thieving Lesson

How did I end up in the Florida Department of Corrections again? Why was I writing an apology letter to the fucking devil? I was always taught that the devil comes dressed exactly like everything you've ever wanted. At Sunday school, they taught that he was charming and handsome but so cunningly deceptive he'd have you gobbling up whatever he wanted to feed you. He could change how you felt about yourself and those around you. He could have you second guessing yourself and questioning things that you always knew to be true. Before you can stop it, you're so unsure of yourself you start to believe that you are the devil and that he is a god.

Just a few months after Alec and I got that fateful visit from Daquan, we found another connect nearby with a steady supply of heroin. This came just in time too, because we were slowly taking on a physical dependence of opiates. We had been taking them in pill form until this point, but that habit was quickly becoming rather expensive between Alec and myself. Heroin is always cheaper and stronger than prescription pills in my experience. None of this was new to me, I saw it all happening right before my eyes in slow motion, like a car wreck I was causing, but was too powerless to stop. Alec, however, had never known a physical addiction. All his fiending in the past had been of his own making in his mind, but there is nothing imaginary about opiate withdrawal. I once went to a group meeting at the methadone clinic, and I got up and left whenever the counselor referred to opiate withdrawals as something 'just like the flu.' I am here to tell you I didn't lose custody of my children, knowingly ingest heroin while pregnant, and break whatever law was in my way JUST to stave off a simple flu. I don't have time for lies when it comes to my recovery these days but at that stage of our addiction, withdrawal was the last thing on my mind. I now had a new drug buddy who was green to the game and it was still early enough for me to be delusional. I always started out believing I would never have to withdraw. As far as I was concerned, we were just going to stay knee-deep in dope at all times. Most of the week this was no problem. Alec was making pretty good money pouring concrete and I was working with my mom at the post office. So at first we were making it until about Thursday night when we would run out. Fortunately we were always able to get a front on Friday morning when I dropped Alec off at work, because the connect actually worked with Alec, so he knew that we were good for it. Then on Friday nights, after we cashed both of our paychecks, we would pay off the front, get another quarter ounce and try to make it last all week again. Anyone who has ever fucked around with heroin could tell you how short lived that arrangement was. Within 6 months, I was showing Alex the boosting business, to keep us from running out of money and dope.

The key, when it comes to thieving, is to be bold. Nobody really believes that you will steal from them right before their very eyes, so that's exactly how you have to do it. As a matter of fact, Dale was the one who taught me that in the first place. We were 18 years old, going into Books-A-Million, as nerds do,and Dale said "Watch this. I'll steal it right in front of the cashiers and they won't say shit to me. I'll look that one (pointing) right in the eyes while I'm doing it," and she picked up the Harry Potter Sorting Hat on display, looked the cashier right in the eyes, placed the hat on top of her head and actually walked out of the store maintaining eye contact with the baffled cashier the entire time. He didn't say a word or move a muscle. He was either too shocked or he thought there must be some other explanation. Things have changed a lot in the boosting game since those days (a lot of the new security in place now is due to me, I'm certain), but "Be bold," was a good motto for nearly every boosting situation in the early 2010's.

Our first specific lesson to that day was to go big or go home. I said "I'm going to take a power generator."
"A generator?!" Alec asked, shocked.
"Yeah take me to the nearest Home Depot." I said, nonchalantly. The whole way he asked a lot of questions but none of them were the right one. I tried to give him the rundown. I informed him that in scenarios like that one he was to drop me at the front, and either drive around slowly in circles until he saw me come out and then pull up right alongside me, or park as close to the front entrance as possible and wait. This time I had him park in a handicap spot right outside the front entrance. Fortunately we had "borrowed" Alec's Aunt Gina's Pathfinder, which came equipped with a handicap parking permit, for our thieving convenience (yes, I already know I wasn't shit back then). I went into the store, found a $1,000 Honda power generator, loaded it into my cart and strolled right out the front door just like a paying customer. I didn't rush, I didn't hurry, I walked calmly right by the front cash registers and nobody chased me or even looked at me twice. Alec's mouth hung wide open as I approached the car. He sat there, staring in silence for so long that I had to yell at him to wake the fuck up and unlock the back hatch and help me load the lick into the trunk.

Ok Reader, here's a little question for you to ponder. How many times do you think one person could pull that same lick in the same city containing 3 Home Depots and 2 Lowes, before somebody starts to catch on? How many high dollar generators, pressure washers, power tools, and lawn mowers can come up missing before someone checks a camera or two? 10? 15? 40? You'll be delighted to know that "the limit does not exist." To this day I have never heard a thing, legally, about any of the thousands of dollars worth of merchandise I casually pushed out the store in a buggy. Once, I even had an oblivious Lowe's employee load the stolen pressure washer I had, into my car for me. We went back again and again to the same stores, pulling the same shit, several times a week. Since sobriety I have gone back, to see if these mini heists were still doable. They are.