Going Back to Sin City

August 19th, 2004: Welcome Back.

Brendon sat on the steps outside his new blue house with white shutters. He kept calling it a house in his head because truly his home was in Hawaii. Las Vegas wasn't that terrible, well besides the fact it was clear he was parked right next to a crackhouse. "How do you like it?" His mother sat next to him on the steps, Grace felt a little bad for forcing him into a new environment. Especially so late into his high school years, but she was sure he would manage. "It's nice." He didn't have much nice to say, he knew he couldn't complain anymore. He did enough complaining when they told him it was going to happen. Grace decided not to push him any more than she already had. He had snapped at her once before during the plane ride here. "Well, I'll be inside if you need me." She got up and then left as quickly as she came. Typical of his mother, he loved her but she wasn't always the best support. She didn't truly mean it, she would rather Brendon shove it inside forever. He kept watching cars drive up and down the street. God, he felt lonely but what do you do?

If you asked Brendon if he hated Vegas, he would have given you a blank yes and mentally scream at his parents for not leaving him with his oldest sister. She wouldn't mind keeping him, well he never asked if she would mind. Shelia had her own life so why would she want to waste it keeping up with her seventeen-year-old brother? Making sure he did his homework and cleaned his room. Maybe it was for the better he was here. He refused to accept that, he would rather sit on these brick stairs for the rest of his life. While watching the beat-up cars drive up and down what was now his street, he gagged even calling it that. A beat-up blue car parked in the house's driveway in front of him. Three kids came out of it, seemingly his age. They made him want to cower inside. He didn't feel like trying to make friends with them, but he continued to sit there since inside wasn't something he wanted to face fully yet. One of the teens looked right at him and then said something to the other two. They nodded and stood around pretending not to stare him down. Brendon waved to seem friendly but tried to make sure he didn't seem approachable. None of the three waved back just gave glances and went inside.

He looked like a maniac sitting there with a jacket on like it was cold. He was cold, he was used to warmer climates. Vegas wasn't even cold, you could just feel that it was starting to shift into fall. He hadn't seen the leaves fall since he was four, and even then he didn't remember that much. He had seen all the home videos of his brothers and sisters playing in leaves while he just sat there a bit starstruck. Vegas wasn't too bad back then, well to him at least. His father would say otherwise. He was so happy to take his children out of Sin City. Thought it was a perfect place to keep them away from all the worldly things. It didn't work all that much but he tried. Brendon was four when they moved the first time, now he was seventeen and it wasn't the same warm fuzzy feeling. He remembered being a little excited when he moved the first time, he couldn't even fake excitement. He thought of himself as good at that. Maybe he was losing his talents because of this out of nowhere move.

It was starting to get darker outside, meaning soon enough his mother would slightly beg him to come inside for the night. She would guilt him a bit, but then bribe him. No bribe would be enough for him mentally. If he could he would sleep on these front steps. If he went inside he would have to accept that he lived here now. He missed his room already, and he was just in day. It has been stripped barren at that point. Anything Brendon had added from the last thirteen years was shoved into a cardboard box or thrown away for space. All his roots were just pulled up and placed into water. Hoping just maybe they would grove a little bigger and be planted in foreign soil. He saw someone peek through the window in the house the three boys walked into. He couldn't tell who it was. He probably looked at them even crazier for sitting out there for as long as he already had. Suddenly he heard heavy footsteps behind him causing him to jump a little. "Brendon, it's late get inside." His mother sent his dad, meaning there was no defiance. It was going inside and facing it. "Alright." He stood up, looked at the house in front of him one last time, and then went inside. This is when it all hit him, this was forever. There would be no way he would go back to Hawaii any time soon. This wasn't like a vacation this was forever. He struggled with not breaking down about it, and he wasn't going to dare do it in the living room where both his parents were watching T.V. "May I be excused?" He awkwardly asked looking away from his parent's eyes. He was avoiding eye contact mostly because he felt like if he did look them in their eyes he would get angry. He had been angry enough today. Boyd wasn't going to let him leave but Grace decided to give him some because it was a lot for anyone to handle.

Brendon sat on his very empty bedroom floor, the bed wasn't his so he didn't feel all that safe to lay on it. He would rather sleep on the steps outside. Since at least then he wouldn't have the face the facts of moving so much. He looked around the room a radio clock that was slightly broken, a bed, and a nightstand was all he owned. He had a desk but it was pawned off in Hawaii, and his father promised him a new one, but his hope in his father didn't exist anymore. It was quiet, he didn't have anything to drown out the noise either. He sold all his music, except for two CDs he shoved in a suitcase, which still hadn't arrived yet. He could hear the t.v., it was just downstairs. His old house was bigger, maybe because at first seven people had to live there, now there were only three. At least when he was living in Hawaii there was always somewhere else to go. He could stay with his brother in his dorm room for a few hours, they would talk about mundane things while looking at the clock. He could take a walk at night without getting lost. Vegas had nothing for him, and it's not like he was in the mood for making friends. He saw how those three teens looked at him, he looked like an idiot and probably acted like one. He was fighting crying about all of this, but his parents would hear it, embarrassing. He could call a sibling, but that would be so much money for a long-distance call.

His mother always told him to pray about things that made him upset, and that only made him feel worse. Mostly because he never got much of an answer. Nothing got better afterward it just got worse, but that was blasphemous. At least now that they were in Nevada they could find a nice little church to go to. Well, not a little church more like a huge one that had tons of people and issues. Like their old one, the only good thing about moving. No more of those people, who were constantly down Brendon's neck for being a bit 'special'. The thoughts got worse though, thinking about church wasn't helping. He would pray, but not willingly. He wanted release from boredom, he wanted to go home, but his house was already sold. Some new family was probably moving in bright-eyed like his family was. He hoped they would get ripped from there too. It was only fair. He tried to be calm, but it ended with him screaming into a pillow, like every night. At least while screaming his guts out into the pillow he praised the lord a few times. Maybe this time something miraculous would happen, but miracles aren't real, you don't just get your old life back.

"Brendon, get some sleep." Grace pretended to not notice his slight breakdown. She did the best she could with Brendon but it was just harder to break through the weird emotional shell he had. The peculiar child turned into a peculiar teen and she hoped he wouldn't turn into a peculiar adult, but he was harder to break through. "We should get the rest of our stuff tomorrow, and hey maybe you could walk around the neighborhood and make some friends before you go to school?" She sat on the bed, Brendon looked like a wreck, thank god for it being dark. "Sounds great, goodnight." He sounded so off, and it was translated as attitude. Maybe Grace couldn't break him in because he never let her. She resigned for the night. She couldn't deal with the attitude. Goodnight it was. She walked out a bit upset with him. He knew she was mad at him now, oh well at least they were even.