Going Back to Sin City

Bonfires Brings Out the Worst Thoughts.

This place looked like what his pastor would hurl about. All of this went against the word of God. That made Brendon feel a tiny bit sick, but he didn't even identify as Mormon anymore. He hadn't since he was twelve, but he could never shake off the voice in his head screaming abomination. They continued walking up to the main part of the party. He recognized Spencer sitting over on a log with some girl. He seemed uninterested in what she was talking about. He looked over to Brendon and smiled even waving at him. That felt warm, or was it the fire he was getting close to? It didn't matter, it had been a bit since he felt warm. If it was the fire or the gesture he'd take it. He needed this.

"Ryan!" Some blonde girl ran up with a beer in hand. She had a high-pitched voice. "I thought you weren't coming? Change your mind?" She wrapped an arm around Ryan's neck. "Who's your friend?" She looked over to Brendon. Probably concerned over the fact he was wearing a jacket in seventy-degree weather. Ryan just looked over to Brendon, he didn't want to speak for him. He wasn't a dog. "Brendon, I moved in across the street." He put his hand out to shake her hand, but she just looked at it and then looked up. She darted her eyes in a sense of annoyance to Ryan. "Can we talk?" She looked upset. "Later, Keltie." He brushed her off and somewhat dragged Brendon to the fire pit. "Is she mad? I can leave." He didn't like issues, and he knew when he wasn't welcome. He learned that from being the weird kid at church.

"She's just like that. She doesn't like it when I invite people she doesn't know to her events. To be honest I don't care. Not everything is about her. Stay, no one else here will keep me company. " Ryan grabbed two beers, one for him and one for his new friend. "Here, you'll need it." He cracked it open and handed it to Brendon. He took it and took a huge gulp, so huge it had Ryan looking sideways at him. "You drink like my dad." He chuckled a little, but it seemed to have some weight behind it. "Oh." Then Brendon remembered he was on Ritalin. Could you drink while on Ritalin? It was too late now. Might as well drink some more. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"Who?" Ryan looked confused and then realized Brendon was talking about Keltie. "She wants to be, but I don't do girls." He said it so plainly that Brendon didn't even notice the implication. He just kept drinking, walking closer to a log Spencer was sitting on. Spencer looked annoyed but he also looked blasted out of his mind. He was most likely high. "Ryan! You're here?" There was slight confusion from everyone. "Needed to pick Brendon up." Ryan looked over to Brendon who was just figuring out what 'I don't do girls' meant. He was starting to tune the sounds of people talking. A homosexual, that's not new. He didn't dislike gay people, he had a feeling Bill was. He wasn't, he wasn't raised that way, and he liked girls. Well, he thought he did he didn't fully know. It wasn't his issue anyway, who cares it's 2004. You can be whoever you want to be these days.

Brendon was on his third beer, it was getting dark. Everyone was sitting around the fire someone was playing some Britney song, why would anyone play that at a campfire? Brendon finally gained sight of Brent, he was making out with some girl on the other side of the bonfire. Gross, Why flaunt stuff like that? Ryan was to his right, besides the fact he was pretty sure Ryan was gay it wasn't uncomfortable. Neither of them mentioned it again, that was for the greater good. Brendon's head ended up on Ryan's shoulders later on in the night.

This was a bad time to think about kissing him. Brendon wanted to blame it on the beer, but something else came into his head that countered that. He needed a girlfriend bad because thoughts like these weren't new. A part of him was happy that Bill and he were an ocean apart. This summer proved to him that he had some conflicting feelings towards the boy. He just blamed the fact that Bill looked like a girl. He couldn't justify it here. Ryan looked like a guy, he was fucked. The weird part is that he didn't want to leave.

God was punishing him for drinking, Brendon reckoned. Well, his mother did teach take your punishments, but was he so sure he wanted to take this one? He wondered where Keltie was, maybe he could talk to her and shake the feeling, but she didn't seem to want to see him. Spencer was being walked to some person's car, there was a possible person to talk to. Ryan wasn't drinking anymore. He had less than a half of beer and then gave the rest to Brendon. B was drunk, and Ryan was picking up on it too. "Come on let's head back." Ryan stood up and grabbed Brendon's hand. He had to practically carry Brendon back to the car.

This is what friends do for each other right? Brendon was overthinking things, he needed some sleep. He swore it was the alcohol. It was always the alcohol. They stopped at a convenience store. Ryan brought two bottles of water, hoping to sober up Brendon enough to the point he wouldn't look drunk in front of his parents. It was almost eleven p.m., and Brendon did not have a curfew yet, his parents didn't care back when they were in Hawaii either. He could show up any time of the night. As long as he was dressed and ready on Sunday morning. They didn't care. Ryan got him to drink the water.

Brendon hoped that the water would make his mind go back to normal, but it was just amplified. Was this the side effect of drinking and taking Ritalin at the same time? If it was then maybe he should get off Ritalin. This was scary. He wasn't raised that way, he was normal. Maybe he wasn't praying enough? He felt sick, but then it clicked for just a second, he wasn't Mormon anymore. He didn't believe in that anymore. He wasn't going to get his own planet. No one is getting a planet, but what if he was wrong? Hell and damnation sounded terrifying.

"Brendon, are you okay?"

"I'm not gay."