MODERN MANUSCRIPTS

POEM: I Hate You

Yes, I love you so much, so much that I hate you

So much that I hate the fact that I'm making myself a fool

I hate you so much that I will never wish you peace

I hate you just knowing that I'm not the girl you're going to miss

I hate it whenever you smile, and I know it is not for me

I hate you to the point of wishing you misery

That every moment you spend with her will be a tragedy

.

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But I must accept that your happiness lies elsewhere

And I will strive to find my own joy, free from despair

I am torn between the love I feel and the pain it brings

Wishing for a chance to be the one who makes your heart sing

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For every step you take in my direction

I embosom it like a borrowed possession

My heart flutters whenever a smile forms in your mouth

Asking my soul, What have you done to my blissful south?

.

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This love you nurtured when I began

Time told me it could never be undone!

With your presence that is so persistent and adamant

I see them as the beautiful rays of the sun

Other times, I wish I could shut this heart down with a gun

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Your rejection seems like a dagger

Thrown on me, I sank deeper and deeper

Treating me as if I had a perilous fever

It makes me want to forget that you are

the master of this archer

.

.

But still, I'm right here, standing before you.

Looking like a young girl, so immature.

My mister, only if you knew.

I'm secretly kissing your picture.

Hoping you will feel that my intentions are pure.

This pain I feel inside that I have to endure.

That only a piece of your attention is my only cure.

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Baby, you don't have a clue

How much I painted our sky as blue

In my masterpiece, you are my muse

A paintbrush I'm afraid to lose

The colors I blend in the perfect hue

And a subject I need to decipher too

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It is funny how your slow breathing

Makes me contest my very being

If one day comes when you are thinking of leaving

Those discreet glances-I'll take them with me

Never spill them like what they do in a tea

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You are the autumn casting the spring

The light that blinds me in the morning

The wind that embraces me every evening

The moon that shines when the dark is rising

A cruel sun that conquers my soul before the dawn is breaking

A precious piece of memory I'm going to bring

Up until the last days of my splendid living

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By then, I'll hide in the corners where I used to sit

Waiting for you to be mine like a flower bound to wilt

Cause I know deep inside that I'm not yours to begin with

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From the author:

You might be wondering why I entitled this as "I hate you," wherein most of the stanzas are full of admiration. Well, despite hating him, I still trap myself in the fantasy of loving him. Guess I'm just hopeless, not so romantic.

Sometimes, I hate myself for loving him.

I used to think I should divide this into two poems, but I feel like I can convey the essence of my hate if I write the remaining stanzas about my unwavering attraction to him.

Tell me more in the comment section below.

Writing Anonymously,

BabaengPalaisipan