The Jinn and her favorite kpop Idols

chapter 6

After flunking the BD admission tests,I couldn’t see a way out.My fault was that I dreamed of three things at the same time!

Hana,Medical!

Dul,Abroad!

Seth,Bangladeshi Public University (especially CU;that Institute is so close to my heart!)

All  my life I was obsessed with the concept of being a doctor.Slowly,things started to turn toxic.When I saw that my family is way too obsessed then I was.Unknowingly, my parents put the burden of expectations on me and there's no way I could resist it!

Those who say even if your parents do this to you,don't listen tk them.Just follow your dreams!Bla bla bla.They speak shits cuz....

It's easy to say but when you actually want to do it,you’ll cry the most.I bet everyone of us are like that!

I mean,think about it this way...

They gave birth to us,they fed us, they cared for us.Is it so wrong of them to expect something from us?All my life,my parents selflessly loved me and I couldn’t even fulfill that one damn dream for them.

No parents want their children to beg on the streets.They all want us to have a good future. I know sometimes they want it in a bit wrong and toxic way but their intention is pure.It's not even like they want tons of money from us as most parents sadly don't even live longer than their kids.When we were incapable of doing anything, they took our responsibility and when it’s their time to be taken care of,we turn our backs on them.We let them rot at the old age home or on the streets!

They still don't curse us but it’s Lord, who curses us on their behalf!

I, at first,was so frustrated at my parents for making me dream about being a doctor.I hated it when they made it all about being a doctor.I hated it when they even mentioned that damn occupation.

Oneday,on the day of my Biology exam, I woke up seeing a dream where I was wandering and asking everyone about my gpa.No one was replying to me as if I was dead . I cried, screamed and asked the teacher about my results and saw that she handed me a marksheet. That marksheet said I had passed but didn’t mention my gpa.I was roaming around like a crazy person and at some point, I got to know my gpa.I cried my heart out knowing that I wouldn’t be able to apply for medicine because of not scoring enough as per their requirement!

That morning, I cried my heart out and prayed two rakats supererogatory prayers.I asked Allah to atleast let me try as he brought me so far from where I was.I told him that I knew I was not made for medical but atleast I could try. I could lose by fighting,right?

My exam went well and guess what?My results came out.I got almost the same gpa shown in my dream.I knew it was over.

19 years of dream came to an end.My parents didn’t just raise me but that dream too.How dare I ruin everything?

Do you know the most painful part?My parents didn’t even curse me at all!They didn’t even cry!They didn’t get upset with me!They accepted if warmly as if they never even dreamt of it!

It was even more intolerable. I wished they would just hate me or stop talking to me.That way, I'd be hurt but instead,they were understanding. I didn’t like it.Why? Why must they be so understanding?

All my life, I was afraid of that day.I used to think that they'll resent me for the rest of my life if I don't become a doctor.They sure made it seem like that. At some point,I wanted to become a doctor to avoid such circumstances. Being a doctor was no longer a dream but a responsibility!

I thought I hated that responsibility but NO!The day when finally, it was the aftermath of a 19 years old war? I felt a weird pang in my heart!As if something was missing inside my heart.As if a part of me was slowly disappearing like that mark on Seo Kijoo's neck! I was growing with for 19 years after all.How could I not love it, even a bit?