Bitemarks & Bloodstains

Chapter 3 - Kiera

I had to get away from her, as far as I could.

Go back.

If I didn't get away from her immediately, there was no doubt in my mind I would lose control and do something I'd regret.

Do it.

That voice in the back of my mind, my voice, was nearly impossible to ignore. It was constantly trying to persuade me to do things I knew I shouldn't, things I knew weren't right. And it was so damn tempting. Listening would be so much easier.

Easy wasn't an option though; I had to ignore it. Remi absolutely could not find out what I'd become. If she knew what had really happened three months ago, she would hate me. No, it wouldn't end simply with hatred, it was far more likely she'd want to kill me, after all, I'd become one of the monsters she despised more than any other.

I felt like I was going to be sick, I was so repulsed by myself and the vile compulsion that threatened to overwhelm me. I was nearly dizzy with the effort it took to keep moving forward and away from her. Still, I somehow managed to put one foot in front of the other until I reached the garage. It was located right next to the Manor so I didn't have to go far, but it was fsr enough that I could be alone and regain my composure.

After my parents disappeared, Isaac had allowed my cousin Declan and I to store my father's motorbikes and various projects alongside the Manor's own collection of vehicles. At first, I'd only took an interest in the bikes to spend time with Declan, but I suppose an enthusiasm for motorbikes ran in the family and I quickly became hooked on building and riding them too.

Over the years the garage had become a haven of sorts for me and only when I reached it, did I stop and inhale deeply, allowing the familiar aroma of motor oil, petrol, and exhaust to wash over me and drown out the smell of Remi's blood.

Her blood.

The scent had been absolutely exquisite and the small drop that trickled down her arm had looked so delicious I'd actually felt myself begin to salivate.

I felt another wave of nausea mixed with longing stab through me at the thought and I lowered myself shakily to the chair at my workbench. I attempted to calm myself as Leon had taught me by taking a series of deep slow breaths and fiddled distractedly with some transmission parts I'd left out on my desk. Still, despite my efforts to calm down the self-doubt came pouring in.

I thought I'd learned to control myself better than this. What had those three months sequestered away from everything I cared about been for if not for that? Was all that time I spent enduring merciless training and conditioning not precisely so I could return home without fear of doing harm to the people I loved?

I squeezed my eyes shut as if I could block out my dark thoughts as easily as I blocked out the sights around me. One of the things I hated most about what had happened to me is that it hadn't only changed what I am, but also who I am. Before I was turned, I'd been so sure of myself, nothing could get me down like this. But now I questioned everything I did, every move, every word, every feeling. I couldn't help but analyze my every impulse to make sure it was me in control and not the vampire I'd become.

I opened my eyes and started my breathing exercise over again when I realized I'd gone back to being on the verge of hyperventilation. I hadn't really done anything wrong this time, in fact, I'd done exactly what I was supposed to do. I hadn't hurt anyone, and I'd removed myself from the situation before it got out of my control.

Still the bloodlust alone felt like a failure especially because until moments ago, the day had been going so well I'd almost forgotten things had changed. With Remi, I'd felt more at ease than I had in a long time, and it felt so good to finally be home again. It wasn't long ago that I'd thought these things were out of my reach forever, and for three months, my desire to return home and be reunited with Remi was all that had kept me from simply resigning myself to my fate.