I can't say boy in a love song/ So Screwed -gongfourz

1

Taesan's studio had never been this still before.
He wanted to cry out in frustration but it's his first time feeling such an emotion and he's exhausted.
He hit a creative block and he couldnt get out of it.

Not long ago, Boynextdoor was still doing comeback promotions and prancing around on stages almost daily. Putting on shows and hanging out in the backstage rooms was the largest part of their day, so much so that once promotions were over and he finally got proper sleep, e
Taesan ended up feeling the effects of sleep deprivation such that he ended up actually having to drink an extra cup of coffee per day after promotions were over.

Almost immediately, he and Jaehyun went back to their studios, Woonhak dropping by both of their studios on intervals as they quickly worked on new music.

Something Taesan would never expect was for his brain to suddenly end up going blank in front of his computer.

In the studio, at home, in the practice room, even in Jaehyun's studio. He could not think, he had no idea what to write.

He even tried listening to his recorded instrumentals and older music to get an idea of what to work on but they all didn't work. He had no inspiration, everything felt overdone.

Taesan's fist then shook, his body tensing up like a arrow being drawn before he lets out a very loud cry, yelling towards the brightly lit monitor before grabbing his notepad and throwing it against the wall. He swiveled himself in a fit of rage, turning himself towards the door, he started to thump and stomp on the floor rapidly in frustration. He was beyond angry, he was frustrated, disappointed, appalled.

Taesan finally kicked the ground hard and pushed his wheeled swivel chair back, bumping harshly against the desk. He threw his head back, eyes shut as he let out a heavy sigh. "This is humiliating..." He muttered to himself, harshly rubbing his face with one of his hands.

The studio felt cold, the AC was silent but the hum was rhythmically stable. He felt like a subject in a painting, being stark in the middle of the room in anguish. What a pathetic state for someone like him. Someone who boasted his ability to ace in all sectors of being an artist, an idol.

Just then, as Taesan's tired brain quietly ran through his thoughts, looking for a solution, he remembered the book he'd bought. The character, a female artist would look at certain subjects or people with a romantic eye, in such a manner, she created art pieces that depicted the light airy sense of love, innocence and adoration in its own personalized and unique way. Not one piece being a copy of the other, riddled with their own magic, differing from muse to muse.

A bell seemed to ping as Taesan finally considered it. Pulling his hands away from his face, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling silently.

"Muse..." He muttered, it seemed to hold the answers to his issue but his next hurdle was just as annoying.

As an idol, as someone who couldn't be seen in public, nonetheless outside watching a random person. He couldn't be bothered with being in the news sparking up dating rumours, he didn't want to bother trying to make friends with female idols either, let alone random women. It wasn't that he felt guilty for using them as muse but more so he knew that he was definitely trying to see them romantically so deciding to have a woman fill the role would be both risky and could give her the wrong idea. Not to mention, if Taesan actually ended up liking them, it would be a whole other mess.

He figured the best person to chose would be someone who was easy to meet up with, would cause the least possible rumours and someone he actually could truly feel comfortable looking at through a fantasy-like romantic lens and someone he truly thought was beautiful so he wouldn't feel conflicted and feel like he was lying to himself by thinking the person was beautiful.
As he pondered it further, he came to a few conclusions, some being his members and some being staffs.

Immediately, staff was risky and kind of uncomfortable, not to mention, he didn't really perceive them as his style of beautiful. Of course, Taesan could say some were good looking but his beautiful goes past looks. He craved a uniqueness to the person he admires. As someone who is very obviously not fitting into the demographic of what most people are like, Taesan could only really love and adore something just as unique. It didn't have to be the same as him, in fact, he preferred if it wasn't. He needed something different, something truly intriguing. A mind puzzle, a breath of fresh air, something out of the algorithm.

Taesan then thought about possible members, he had almost all members in mind but narrowed it down to Leehan, Riwoo, Sungho. Sungho wasn't as unique as he wanted, although he still loves Sungho as a person and his member, he wanted something more exhilarating. Riwoo was a firm choice but then his personality wasn't what Taesan thought of as fantasy-like love.

Leehan was last. So far, he actually succeeded in meeting all his requirements. He was beautiful, his personality was just unique enough in a way that made Taesan feel like he'd met his match. Leehan was comfortable, easy to be around, warm, expressive but also mellow.

With that, Taesan realized that he'd finally found his muse. The only thing left to do was to simply admire him for the next few days.