I can't say boy in a love song/ So Screwed -gongfourz

7

Taesan finally had the structure of a song. Woonhak was great help and on top of helping with the song, he did actually help with Taesan's Leehan situation, of course, without figuring out why the song felt so personalized and exactly why Taesan was particular about the long hair or the eyes in the lyrics they were working on.

Walking into the dorm room after bidding Woonhak a good night, Taesan entered the silent house, the living room light was on but it was the dim one, a yellowish mini lamp they had kept in the living room on the floor. Taesan found the aesthetic of the lighting quite calming, making a mental note to try it out for himself whenever he hangs out in the house alone.

He walks past the shoes and into the house, turning his head to the kitchen as a habit ever since the fish tank moved in, only to be met with Leehan staring at his fish at 10pm. Leehan paid no mind, overtly focused on the fish and shrimps in his tank, staring at the in the dim room, alone and in utter silence.

This sight wasn't new to Taesan, it was quite common so he didn't much of it. Instead, he paid more mind to the person in the room with him, Leehan. His chest slightly tightens at the sight of the elegant and beautiful Leehan, pissed at how he couldn't help but look at Leehan like his fellow member was some sort of mythical fairy or an angel from heaven. He had an aura of pure beauty that made him the center of attention, something not a single person could deny. It wasn't only his looks, it was his actions too. The way he sat was pretty, the way he smiled was pretty, even the way he held his utensils was either cute or pretty.

At this point, Taesan was starting to wonder whether Leehan's actions were actually pretty or was he just losing his mind because of the immense crush he'd solemnly developed. He can't even tell them apart now.

"Donghyun, what're you doing?" He called out, ignoring the flutter in his chest. Leehan turned his head to the side to look at Taesan, "Mm?" He hummed, his expression made him look exactly like the fishes he was admiring. Clear eyed and clueless, but Taesan loved that bit about him.

"I'm just watching the shrimps, I don't know what to do, they're not really cleaning the algae on the rocks..." He mumbled as Taesan walked over, dumping his bag on the dining chair, he gripped the backrest of the chair next to Leehan and leaned down to peek at the small creatures. Taesan glanced at Leehan who was slightly pouting at the fish tank, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, "If you clean it then it's alright, isn't it? What's so bad about it?" Taesan asked, sitting down next to Leehan. Something never did before, join Leehan in staring at his fish.

Leehan's eyes roll over to look at Taesan, "I know but lately, I've been feeling more tired because of the schedules and stuff, I don't know if it's possible for me to keep cleaning it. Not to mention, the fish babies are increasing and I don't know what to do...." He sighed, eyes following one of his rummy nose tetras. Taesan glanced over at the active tank, it did looks pretty crowded as of late.

After staring at it for a bit, he turned back to Leehan, the worried look on his face set Taesan off slightly, he didn't like to see Leehan stressed out so he spoke up with a half-baked idea he thought of just now.

"How about I adopt some babies, we can give a few others to people in our company, how about that?" He suggested. That successfully made Leehan immediately turn to Taesan, the surprise in his eyes was quite evident. "You want to adopt some?" He asked, obviously not expecting such an offer from Taesan who never seemed interested in having fish. Of course, he did spend time glancing and interacting with Leehan over the small swimmers but he seemed to not want the burden.

Taesan felt his cheeks warm up at Leehan's insanely hypnotic stare, wide-eyed and sparkly he looked away to the fish tank, "Um... Yeah. You could still care for them or whatever, see them, and it could reduce the amount in your tank. It sounds like a good thing to me." He explained.

Leehan seemed more overjoyed than Taesan thought, that being evident by the deep and lung-filling breath he took while smiling at Taesan, "I'll do it," he said with a grin. Taesan felt like something stopped the world the moment the man before him cracked the most god-blessed beautiful grin he could've ever fathomed.

To him, the world stopped spinning, the hum of the fish-tank filter was non-existent at this point, all he could see, feel, understand, sense was centered around the grinning, light-headed fool before him.

His hand tightened around the edge of the chair he sat on. Thrown around in a whirlwind feeling like his heart was being flung in the wind carelessly, he never had his insides ride a rollercoaster but if he ever did, he was positive that this would be the exact feeling he'd get.

Leehan, unknowing and innocent. To him, the stare upon him only lasted a few moments, seconds, of his friend's eyes glued onto him. Too fast for him to be able to tell the tears glossing over his eyes like precious gemstone.

To Taesan, the sensation was hours, his mind felt like days. Every single thought he could think of slammed to the front his mind, overwhelming even someone like him. The love, the fear, the guilt, the need, everything else he couldn't name. He simply didn't know what to do with it, he didn't know what he could do with it.

For once, Taesan felt further from Leehan than he'd ever did before. Even when the man he'd been agonizing over is as close as they could ever be, as friends. Shoulder to shoulder, sharing the grace of the same blue hue. For once, Taesan felt more uncomfortably isolated than he'd ever did, even when he's supposed to be the most comfortable with only one person to focus on.

The slow pace he ever so loved, felt too fast for him now.

Everything was too much.

Loving Leehan felt like too much and he hated himself for it.

"I'm tired," he rushed, head dropping immediately, his eyes intent on not even sparing another glance in Leehan's general direction. He could faintly hear Leehan say something in a confused tone as he gets up, foot accidentally hitting the leg of the chair that held his unbearable weight just a moment ago, he doesn't know if he could answer.

"Goodnight," Taesan says, cold and rushed, dragging his bag up his shoulder, walking as fast as he could to the bedroom, ignoring the voice calling out for him in a volume and tone he was sure he'd never heard from Leehan before.

The click of the door was the end of it. Now he was alone, alone with his thoughts. What was he supposed to do with them now?