I can't say boy in a love song/ So Screwed -gongfourz

6

A few days had passed and Taesan was yet to finish the song. At this point, he had keywords he was planning to use in the lyrics but nothing much yet. The melody was not to his liking so he ended up scrapping it twice, leaving him with nothing but a blank save file.

It wasn't only his progress that wasn't going well, he also wasn't getting any better when it came to telling himself not to stupidly get jealous of Leehan. He never had much problem with it before but when it's one-sided, it puts him even more on edge and he can't help but blame himself for how stupid it is.

Time spent on looking for Leehan had increased, reducing his free time. Time spent staying close to Leehan increased, reducing his alone time. Time spent glaring at other members increased, this actually increased something, his self-loathing.

He knew from the first day, he made the stupidest decision he could ever make to try and copy a stupid novel character out of ego desperation. He just didn't expect to actually fall this fast for someone he never felt like holding the hand of before. Now he finds his fingers twitching at the sight of Leehan's hand outstretched during random rests on the dining table or even the floor, as though it was begging to be held. It didn't help that Leehan had extremely pretty hands. This just made him loathe himself even more for choosing someone without a single identifiable flaw.

"Fuck," Taesan slammed his pen onto the table and buried his face into his hands, "AHH.." he groaned, stomping his feet like a child as he felt his face heat up after thinking about Leehan again, specifically Leehan's innocently adorable and clueless reaction to Taesan making him breakfast this morning. If he knew he'd get such a reaction, he probably wouldn't have, actually.... he probably would.

"I'm so screwed..." He whined into his hands, dragging them like weights off his face. Just then, his phone screen lights up in the dim room, a familiar ringtone plays. Taesan grabs his phone and picks it up immediately, "Hello?", he greeted. "Taesan hyung, are you working on the new album songs?", it was Woonhak.

"I finished the main ones a while ago, I already sent them to Jaehyun hyung to finish up. Why?" He asked, quickly pushing a strand of hair away from his eye. "Oh, I just had some inspiration for a love song because I just finished watching a drama series so I was going to try and use it for the songs, but I don't know if it'll fit the album's concept. Do you want me to bring it over anyways?" He asked, Woonhak sounds pretty pumped, he seems to be full of romance ideas.

Taesan glanced at his empty MIDI tracks, "Ah, sure. How about we try using it for one of the b-sides? Jaehyun hyung and I already discussed the track list and we have one more song we can just add in so I've been working on it. It's supposed to be a romantic song, the type of romance isn't set yet though." He explained. Sounds of shuffling could be heard on the other line, "Okay, I'll be there!" Woonhak replied, he seemed to be very excited in using his newfound inspiration.

Taesan hung up and borderline slammed his phone onto his desk, sighing as he threw himself back into the chair. Staring at the ceiling, his mind found it's way back to Leehan like it had nothing else to linger on. Again, his sparkly eyes appear in his head, glimmering as they stare at Taesan ever so endearingly. Again, his shiny lips appear in his head. No one will ever understand just how badly Taesan wants to let the tip of his fingertip brush across the plush pink flesh.

Taesan's chest feels tighter with every passing second, his legs and arms can't help but stiffen closer to his body, he wants to encapsulate himself and these budding emotions. He wants to keep them within himself, he can't express them, he simply can't allow it.

Nonetheless, he shakes it off and pulls himself back to the computer, trying his best to focus on making a proper beat until Woonhak comes around.

Woonhak must've either ran over at insane speed or the car carrying must've sped past the speed limit because Woonhak was knocking on Taesan's door in less than 15 minutes after hanging up the call.

Taesan got up and opened it, smirk filling out as he stared at the jumpy kid, astonished but also impressed, "That was fast," he said, shutting the door after Woonhak gladly invited himself in and sat down on the couch in the studio.

"Hyung, read it," Woonhak said, opening up to a page in his lyric notebook that he'd brought over. Taesan cranes his neck to peek at the contents before plopping himself down on his chair and sliding the book over to himself. It was filled with random small notes at the corners and edges of the page but it was clear where he had to read. Taesan's eyebrows furrowed as he focused on each and every line, imagining it in a song and the scene it would work with, giving it a story.

Woonhak simply watched with hopeful eyes, looking forward to a compliment or some kind of feedback. When Taesan finally moved back into his chair, away from the book, he took his chance. "How is it hyung? Do you have any ideas?" He asked, inching closer to the edge of the sofa seat, his hand gripping Taesan's knee. Taesan blinked a few times, staring at nothing on his desk with furrowed brows before a slow, unsure nod, followed by a more confident nod as he said, "Its good, I like the idea. We just have to kind of tweak a few details and it's good to use."

Woonhak grinned, flashing his beaming smile, "Nice! Let's do it right now, do you have a beat?" He asked, peeking at the computer screen. Taesan's purses up into a pout, shaking his head, "Not yet. If you're free then help me, I need some ideas." Woonhak's eyebrows furrow, "Do you have a vision in mind yet? Like a concept or something? Maybe we can work off that?" He suggest and Taesan lets out a slightly defeated sigh, "I have one but it's confusing, so confusing I can't even form a proper idea. Too many complicated feelings..." He muttered the last bit in a dazed state, once more thinking about Leehan.

Taesan was sure that if his brain stopped thinking about Leehan for a moment, he'd actually be able to do something but his brain was pretty stubborn.

"Don't worry, you have me now!", Woonhak beamed, a beacon of light in Taesan's confusing darkness. Full of conviction, he was willing to help with Taesan's composing... And feelings, but the second one he wasn't really aware of.