Eldora Review Shop 2.0 [OPEN]

જ The Ungodly Usurper જ ☾Aca☽

Reviewer: AcapriccioRhythm

Client: Huykage
Book Title: The Ungodly Usurper

Title: 9/10

The title is attention-grabbing which is a very good thing; considering that Wattpad is saturated with different stories, and an enticing title is something that grabs attention and piques readers' interest.

Cover: 7/10

While I understand the vibe was to go for a more manga/manhwa style and aesthetic, I feel like there is something lacking. For one I feel like there's a line between the two main characters as they stand with their backs to the other, which makes it look less seamless and cohesive. The title is also very bright, and in contrast to the background, feels very small and almost invisible. I suggest going for a bolder title with the background being more seamless and blended, that way the title stands out without distracting from the background and vice versa. Because, as I see it now, the background is overpowering the title, forcing me to solely focus on the two characters in the cover. There should be a balance in the cover.

Blurb: 4/5

Blurb is short and straight to the point. It gives us enough details without revealing too much of the story, which is a very good thing. There's no spoiler to be seen, and the phrase "embark on a quest" adds more to the excitement and anticipation. It's a really nice touch. One thing I would suggest is to divide them into 3 paragraphs. One paragraph for Hunapp Myvel, another for Excalibur, and finally the third one with the brief quest description. I say this so that the readers' have time to digest the first two instructions, and to make it feel like you're giving more information that you actually are.

Grammar/Vocabulary/Technicalities: 23/25

The author has a good vocabulary and structures their sentences and paragraphs well. However, I think there's a lack of more diverse vocabulary in terms of describing the scene and the setting. I have no complaints whatsoever as the author delivers well on this end.

Plot Execution: 10/15

The plot execution was done well, but I feel like the pace is a bit too fast and the chapters feel a bit awkward because of it. I suggest the author take time to develop the world more, and the background of the story. While I like the fact that we get the points of view of both the main characters, I feel like it needs to be more spaced and given their own time to shine. There's no need to overload the readers with countless information, which is what I felt while reading the chapters. Other than that, I think it was executed quite well.

Characters: 7.5/10

While I think the characters have their own distinct personalities, and that it is shown quite well, I feel like we aren't given as many chances to get to know them as a whole. Due to the fast pace, we don't get to see many instances of little moments where they just get to have a more solid personality. Considering that the story has 7 chapters, at the time of writing this, the author could've taken the chance to introduce the characters better. While I get that action scenes give us little time for introduction, it shouldn't be neglected. And since the author uses first person POV, they should make full use of the benefits and allow us into their intimate thoughts - show not tell.

Creativity/Originality: 8.5/10

I think the premise is very commonly found in action manhwas. However, I think that it is creative and original in its own right. I like the fact that you mixed multiple popular mythologies in your story, which makes it unique (considering that other writers tend to stick to one mythology per story).

Genre Relevance: 4/5

The story does fit right with the genres chosen. It has a fantastical whimsy feel to it, with the mythologies being present, as well as being action packed. The only thing I find lacking is the author's world building, which is very important in fantasy stories. And I feel like the focus is more on the action aspect, rather than both as a whole.

Reading Enjoyment: 7/10

Considering the chapters were short, and still on-going, I honestly enjoyed it. However, when I read it, I also couldn't help but not feel as excited as the chapters progressed. Due to the information overload that I felt, it became almost like a chore to complete. Nonetheless, I still like the way the author wrote the story. It's a good story that just needs a few tweaks.

Overall thoughts and suggestions: 80/100

Overall, I think it's a really good story with tremendous amounts of potential. A few tweaks and edits here and there will surely bring this story to new heights. I have given a few suggestions and comments above, so I will no longer add anymore here. I wish the author the best in their writing journey. Keep writing and improving. Don't strive for perfection but progress.