𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 · 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐈

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

˜"*°•.˜"*°• chapter five •°*"˜.•°*"˜

"

ᵢₜ ₜₐₖₑₛ ₜₑₙ ₜᵢₘₑₛ ₗₒₙgₑᵣ ₜₒ ₚᵤₜ yₒᵤᵣₛₑₗf bₐcₖ ₜₒgₑₜₕₑᵣ ₜₕₑₙ ᵢₜ dₒₑₛ ₜₒ fₐₗₗ ₐₚₐᵣₜ

"

"You don't look too well," Oak says. Then he smiles and lunges forward.

All of a sudden, I'm unable to move. Oak's hand wraps around my throat, lifting me up while I'm helpless against him. 

"Always knew you didn't have it in you to be a victor." 

I feel myself thrown back. I hit a tree, crumpling to the floor, before struggling to my feet again. He's on me in an instant.

"This should be fun," Oak mutters, grinning. When I try to meet his eyes, I realize he has none. They're just empty sockets. Oak raises a knife. "Now...where to start? How about...your eyes. I don't think you'll be needing those anymore, do you?"

I wake up screaming. My door bursts open, both Linden and Finnick appearing at the same time.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" I begin hastily, wiping at my tear-stained face.

"Stop, Cal, don't apologize," Linden says, walking in and coming to sit down next to me. Finnick follows suit and places himself on my other side. "Nightmare?"

"What else?" I say, closing my eyes and resting my head back against the headboard. Oak's face flashes through my mind again, and I rub at my eyes, as if I can just erase him from my head. "God, I can't get him out of my head!"

"Oak?" Finnick questions.

I nod. A tear begins making its way down my face again. "I just keep thinking about...how he'd still be here if it weren't for me. How I tore apart his family. I killed someone's son. I killed someone's brother. And there is nothing that I could do to ever change or-or fix that!" My eyes are blurring up by now. "Nothing."

Finnick and Linden are silent for a moment, looking towards each other.

"Callyn, it's not your fault. It never has been. You were fighting for your life in that arena-and so was he. If you hadn't killed him, he would've killed you. You're allowed to defend yourself," Linden says.

"I know it's hard. Trust me, we both do. But, it's better to not let it get to you. It takes ten times longer to put yourself back together then it does to fall apart."

≋~≋~≋~≋~≋~≋

The rest of the victory tour, I'm plagued by nightmares. Every time my eyes close, fallen tributes flash through my mind. Sometimes, they're hunting me, but others, I'm the hunter. Finnick starts waiting with me to go to sleep, and when that doesn't work, he stays with me. For some reason, that's the only thing that works. Not being alone.

As we work our way through the districts, I meet almost all of the Victors. For the most part, they are welcoming, while some are slightly stand-offish. It's not like I expected to be immediate besties, though.

Today's the day we stop in District Two.

Bellamy's District.

Both of the tributes from this District are dead because of me. I killed Kaia, Bellamy's District partner, in my final fight of my Hunger Games. Bellamy, on the other hand, sacrificed himself for me.

I'll never forgive him for doing that.

As I come to a stop at the end of the stage, I swallow, gazing at the portrait of Bellamy hanging behind his mother and father. My eyes begin to fill with tears, and I blink them back quickly. I can't get emotional. It's not something that fits my image. I swallow, and begin to go through my rehearsed speech. I don't stop once the pre-written part is over, though.

"Bellamy...Bellamy was just full of life. All the time. He was kind, generous, compassionate. Bellamy...he was my good side. My sanity in those games. There's no way I would've made it out without him. But he was too generous. Too kind. Too compassionate. He gave up everything. For me." I turn around to look at Myra, his mother, and take a deep breath. "Myra; I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He didn't deserve this. He should be the one standing here. I'm sorry I took him from you."

≋~≋~≋~≋~≋~≋

Final stop. The Capitol.

I've just felt so numb since leaving District Two...it feels like I've turned off my emotions, and I can't get them back. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't want to feel if all I feel is pain.

yeesh.

so.

yeah

xx

maddie