Pieces Part 1

Final Dream

I was here again. I'd looped through this scenario endless times, each iteration lending a sense of ease to my conscience. I knew how to cope with the act in this world. It was like swaying to a rehearsed dance, my body instinctively grasping the next step or recoil, unlike how I maneuvered in reality.

I was too scared to do it for real. Too overwhelmed with chills to absorb the cold, metallic blade, I let it sink into my skin as warm, red droplets pricked the edge.

I couldn't brave the leap in real life. But I could do it here.

Lungs searing with heat, I flitted my eyes across the floor. There it is—my sharp, superb release. My hands descended to the blade, clasping it between my fingers as I hoisted it. The tip did not gleam.

"Well, since I'm here, I guess." Angling the sharp end against my thumb, I pushed until blood was drawn. Shiny, red baubles tickled the surface of my skin.

Not too dull, I mused. Had I tested the blade with more force, I would've been gushing a red stream to the ground. But I wasn't looking to flow the Red Sea from my thumb. I craved something severe--irreversibly swift, especially for the mess it was bound to leave in my wake.

I set the blade against a protruding vein on my neck. Was this one of my arteries? I couldn't tell. All I knew was enough people had croaked to a similar fashion for this to be effective. You just gave a glide, a little pressure, and whoosh--it'd all be over. The pain would become imperceivable. Life and its nightmares wouldn't haunt me any longer. I'd be in true bliss.

"So, let's get this over with..." I gripped the handle so hard that its soft edge managed to indent my palm. The blade refused to slice into my skin. I stared at the space ahead, thinking of a tall woman whose final words maintained a hold over me.

"Moe, only if this were another lifetime, I would be by your side forever." Her wan cheeks curved up in a smile, hope speckling her hazel eyes. She was eerily translucent, yet colorful--colored with love and passion, with all the emotions I'd never share with her again because she was gone.

Tears clotted my intent to speak. "Well, Tina, it looks like our time is coming," I stammered through gurgles of snot. I shakily craned my head to the sky, lulling the salty fluids that scaled my cheeks. We'll be together soon. This tide of grief will consume me, drown my floundering body as I fail to stay afloat.

I was ready to succumb to the waves. And yet, someone fought to have me buoyed--they yanked my arm, jolting me out of my earnest desire.

"Maurice..." They crooned, their voices light like angel hair threading past my skin. I opened my eyes to the sky, confused. Bewildered. Aghast. Why did they want to keep me here? Why, despite all my failings, did they caress me with their tender tone? I urged to look away, not believing I deserved this address. But my irises remained deadlocked on where they'd landed. I was listening. Contemplating.

I was questioning my resolve.

The disembodied voice continued to probe my senses. "It ain't your time yet, and you know it." A silhouette lowered from above as my ears soaked their soft, seraphic notes. Contours hazy, aura blindingly white. I labored to parse their features beneath the light--only being able to distinguish a few in the end.

Their hair was sandy. They flowed in ripples like the sea lapping against a shore. Beyond their golden mane, a pair of greenish-brown eyes regarded me intensely. I shivered. This apparition was familiar, too familiar. But I couldn't blink them away. They glid downwards until we were just in front of each other, souls mingling in the darkness.

"Why?" I countered, hands balled by my sides. "I'm ready--"

"You are only ready 'cause you miss me, seeing me every day." The figure interjected. I didn't enjoy being challenged, but her presence was too commanding to refute. "You were alone when I left. You lost your only safeguard from your past. But now...You aren't alone anymore, and you don't need a safeguard. You got someone at home waiting for you." Tears pooled at the edge of my jawline. I don't want to go home, don't you get it? I wanted to scream my fears out loud, but the figure seemed to glean them unsaid. "See, in here, you can tell there's still something you have yet to do." She crooned, hand flat against my chest. "Go ahead... Maybe in our next lifetime, we can be... I love you, Maurice."

And that was it. She removed her weightless touch from my body, tearing the last rope I could claim to her. I gawked as she floated up, up to somewhere I could never reach in my current state.

"Tina!" I cried, grasping for the feathers that sailed to where I lay. My efforts were fruitless--her wings lifted her until she became a speck in the sky. She was gone. Just like that, she was gone.

My eyelids parted sluggishly. There was no piercing light in this place--just beeping monitors and teal drapes.

I really can't reach you anymore.