Peaches & Cream: Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye

Ch. 3: The Lucky Day

Sleep has become my escape. A temporary withdrawal from reality in which I live to remember everything Jungkook has forgotten. Sleeping through each passing day, I know that at least in my dreams we are still together. In my dreams, I will always find my way back to you, Koo. Even if you don't remember it, the moon knows that we were once in love. It hears my helpless cries at night and feels every atom of my being that misses you, fearing the idea of us becoming strangers once again.

It's as if my happiness was erased with his departure. Holding my hand through each step of the way, he showed me the beauty in life and ended up being the one to take it all away when my fearing heart failed to reciprocate the painfully obvious love tethered between us. Now, my life is dull and pointless. How can I love someone else when every night I dream of you, Koo?

Swallowing pills to mute the sound of my heart beating for his barest touch, I've become lost in my own mind, haunted by everlasting thoughts. Although I thought I would be able to at least pretend to be happy for the sake of my family, it's all become too much. Thus, it was only a matter of days, before my deteriorating behaviour sparked concern in my parents, fueling tension in the air we shared. It all started with fatigue, which then transformed into chronic sleep and in the end began to affect my eating habits. Feeling nauseous from the mere thought of food, I've grown to dissociate myself from it. I was hungry, but I couldn't eat. And, as my hope slowly diminished, so did the number on the scale.

"Mira, you have to eat," my mom's voice echoes in my ear as my eyes fixate on the plate of steamed broccoli in front of me.

"I'm not hungry, I told you," I sigh, swallowing down the lie with some water.

"Mira, honey, please talk to us. What's wrong?" my dad asks softly, placing his hand on top of mine. Hearing the trembles in his words, my eyes swell with tears before I shake myself out of it.

"I'm fine ... just feeling a bit under the weather,"

"The sun has been at its highest peak this whole time, what's seasonal about this?" my mom tries to remain composed as she shifts her chair closer to mine.

"Talk to me, honey. What's gotten into you? You were so excited to come back," her hands caress my tangled hair as I nibble on the dead skin on my lip.

"Mira, you've been silent since you came, and now you won't even eat. Your mom and I can't bear to see you like this,"

"Come back home, Miraya. We can find another university here,"

"No. It's not that. I'm fine, I swear. I just ... I just need this break to end already, so I can focus on my studies again. That'll keep my mind occupied," I whisper softly, attempting to fake a smile as my empty gaze searches their scattering eyes. Recently, that's how most of our conversations ended. With helpless promises feeding my delusions. However, with each passing day, I come to realise that promises are nothing more than sweet lies. If it weren't true, I wouldn't have to find excuses for the aching feeling in my heart, but rather, melt in the overflowing passion of Jungkook's burning love.

Excusing myself, I throw away the cold plate of food and head back to my room, one which was once filled with laughter and a carefree sense of ambition. The same walls that watched me cry out of happiness upon receiving my acceptance letter just a few months ago are the ones that now echo my pathetic cries for help. Every inch of this room has become cold and numb, and I'm afraid that there is no more warmth in me that could fix this.

Crouched in a fetal position as my body shivers under the floral duvet my mom gifted me as a welcome present, I dial Jimin's phone number. It has been weeks since he moved back to Busan, but I have yet to receive any updates from him about Jungkook. In hindsight, maybe, it's for the best, but if silence is the thing that'll save me then why do I still hold onto the smallest glimpse of hope for us? Even if it means walking across a minefield of rejected possibilities that would ultimately send me into a never-ending spiral, why do I still care?