Fragments of Innocence

46 A Hurt Father

I saw beyond your addiction. I didn't just witness the aggression and abuse; I glimpsed the self-loathing within you, the desire to break free and become the father we deserved. But alcohol had its hold on you. One night, as things spiraled out of control again and you raised your hand against my mother, I stood between you both, trying to muster bravery and conceal my fear. I think you saw it, though, as tears welled up in your eyes. You turned away, leaving us frozen in fear. But in that moment, I saw something unexpected in your eyes: love for us and fear of yourself. I knew you weren't inherently evil, just deeply wounded. You needed help, but your addiction wouldn't allow it. It's not an excuse for your actions, but it offers some explanation. In the end, your self-hatred and pain consumed you, taking your life. I still miss you, despite the turmoil you caused. I can't hate you because I understand your pain all too well.