Memories of Sanity

Chapter Nine

Of course, the next monday was definitely not normal. I went to class like normal, it was Mr. Stevens class. When I took my seat I looked over at Andrew. The color was drained from his face, His hands covering his eyes. Andrew? I asked him, with concern inside my face. He sat there silent for a little while. Then a whisper barely audible, had said: "Nothing darling."

Mr. Stevens called for the poems, and Andrew handed it to me. Hands still over his eyes. I walked up to the podium where Mr. Stevens told us to turn the poems in. When I slipped the paper through the box, I saw that Mr. Stevens was looking at me. He did not stare at me like he usually stared at me. He looked at me with only one expression on his face, utter disgust. I held my head down as I walked back to my seat. I looked at Andrew, he was looking at me looking like he might throw up. After practicing our daily writing activity, I headed to my next class. As I was walking all I could notice was all of the school's eyes on me.

Then all I could notice were the whispers, with every one along the lines of, "Is it that girl? Oh god it is!" Oh god oh god! I mumbled to myself silently. I just tried to get out of there but everywhere I turned I could hear the whispering. I could see the constant staring. That was when I started to crumble. What did I do? I Asked myself. Just get to the study hall. I told myself. After what seemed like an eternity, I made it to the study hall. I took the back seat, and I just listened. I listened to the yells of boys, and to the whispers of the girls. I listened to the pens on paper, and to the slow breathing coming from that girl. I just wanted to run, I wanted to cry, I needed to leave. I did not leave, I just pretended I did, I pretended it felt so great. I pretended that it would solve my problems. That was the happiest I was that day.

The sound of the bell brought me back to reality. I practically jumped out of my seat, and I headed to the library. I entered through the doors, And without picking out a book I sat down. Before I looked up I could see Charlie. Charlie is Andrew's friend, and I had never met him before that day. He had a scared look on his face as he got closer. "Lucile right?" he asked, about three feet away from me. "This is her." I replied with one of those fake smiles. "Well, hello my name is charlie." With another fake smile. He sat down in the chair in front of me. Well, Andrew had told me that you sort of went crazy last weekend. So I just wanted to make sure that you were well.

That was when I realized, Andrew told. He is the reason why everyone knows that I had a full blown panic attack. He is the reason why I am that girl. As I try to process all of this new informacion all I answer back is "I'm fine." I did not hear what Charlie said next, but then he sat up and walked toward his friends. Then I went back into my sea of thought. The one person I thought I could trust with my secret told. The one person I thought could bring me happiness brought me the worst sadness. Then I told myself "You have to find Andrew."

I left the library and I walked to the outdoor part of campus. Where Andrew was talking with his friends. I was not here to talk to his friends, I was here to talk to Andrew. When I got closer I could hear one of his friends say, "She is definitely insane Andrew, just dump her already!" After a long pause of laughter Andrew saw me. Then his friends saw me. Then it seemed like the whole courtyard saw me. I just looked at Andrew, and Andrew only looked at me. Then he started to walk toward me. I stayed there, and as he was right by my ear he said "Darling I-" "You disgust me." I whispered.

"Lucile, my heart tells me your name."

"The heart is just an organ."

"You are the only girl that makes me feel this way!"

"Well then I guess you lost her!"

"You didn't mean that."

"Well why don't you just do what he said and dump me!"

"Since I will never be able to get over you! I want to be with you forever!"

"Nothing ever lasts forever!" I said as I wiped a tear from my face. I turned around and whispered, "I'm sorry." Then I just left, and I sped walked to my dorm where for the remainder of the day I cried.