Memories of Sanity

Chapter Thirteen

The class didn't seem to notice me at first, I could see stares. Only a few. I could see Mr. Stevens. He was no longer entwined in the conversation of the class. Just working on grading assignments. I could see the class division, one group on the side. The other filled with everyone else. It's sad isn't it? No, because it has always been this way. Not even a peace keeper could make it any different. I could see my seat, I wouldn't dare look to the right of it. I looked at my seat as I walked. Not with my head down, not with it facing the sky. Just as normal as a walk could possibly be. I didn't care about the missing work anymore. I didn't care about looking too normal. I just stopped paying attention. Then as I sat down. I did the thing I wanted so much to avoid. I looked right. I looked at him, I looked into his eyes, but then looked away forcefully. Now it was time, preform Lucile.

I wanted to do it again. I wanted to look at him! Not love him, or speak to him, I just wanted him to know that I was finished with him. Hopefully he will see it. Mr. Stevens had started talking, I should have listened. I really did try, but no, I didn't. I kept trying to fight the urge to look at him yet I hated him. Isn't this all so confusing?

Class was over. Oh god it was over! I am ok now right? I was for at least a minute, then I was awaited by another thing that made me want to hide. Somewhere far away from this place. He was there, standing in front of me. Looking like I had stolen something from him. I couldn't even bother, yet it infuriated me. He said nothing and just looked at me, with his mouth opening, but then closing. Who would have thought? Andrew Jacobson was for the first time I'd known him, speechless. That was enough to make me smirk. Just a little. Then he saw my small, but growing smile. "Lucile." He said almost as if in a whisper for only him, but I could hear it. "Lucile." He repeated as if testing it on his lips. I smirked even more, and if they could be heard, louder.

"Yes?" I asked him, with my smirk so large, I tried to hide it. He looked at me again, surprised at my words. You know you are usually quiet when people do that.

"Lucile.." He kept trying to say it over and over, but that was the only time he had the nerve to say it audibly. I curved my eyebrow up a little, to basically say that if you say sorry, I won't listen. "Lucile, I'm- I- I'm..." He said visibly thinking about the words.

"Oh, you're sorry?" I said without a smirk, but with a genuine smile, because this was the funniest thing that had happened in my life. "Oh well, good riddance!" He looked up at me, and looked betrayed, for whichever reason he may be. "Have fun, really have fun with an apology as good as fool's gold." He seemed, well he seemed sad, but you could see the hint of pleasure in his face. Then his sadness disappeared from it. Then you could hear the sound of laughter. Not the playful kind, the kind where you know you have won. I tried to look for the source of this pitiful laughter.

I even looked behind me, because I couldn't accept the fact of what was actually happening. I looked down, because that was the only place where he couldn't see my wide eyes. Then I looked at Andrew Jacobson and saw the man who was laughing like he had won the war, the great war. He almost didn't sound like him at all, he sounded cold, he sounded like mother.

Finally he stopped laughing, I could see his smile struggling to hang on. He looked at me, since his smile continued to drop it became a smirk of sorts. He kept looking at me, I was silenced by his laugh so he would have to carry the conversation. Finally he opened his mouth and snickered lightly. "This is... funny." He looked closer and asked "Isn't it?" He waited for me to answer, he would not continue so I had to.

"No, no Andrew, what are you doing?" My face grew hot, not because I was flustered, it was because I was worried. Andrew was playing a game, a game that makes me have to speak when I don't want to, I just wanted Andrew to finally grow up and tell me whatever was so hard to get out. Or maybe I didn't want to know, maybe it was a joke. Maybe Andrew was going to kiss me right there and everything would make sense. Yet, I also don't want him to kiss me, I had more dignity than that. Didn't I?