Will I hurt you like they hurt me?

2 - You go to my head

Kai walked into Amelia's office, smile going from ear to ear.
"Guess what" they said the minute they crossed he threshold, not even bothering to wait for Amelia's response before speaking again. "David wants to extend our stay here for at least another month which means..." they say approaching Amelia, only then noticing her glossy eyes and red cheeks.

"Ames, you okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah, yeah sorry I've been staring at a screen all day, eyes hurting that's all." She says looking up offering them a small smile, rubbing her eyes. Unconvince, Kai walks up behind her, placing their hands on her shoulders, a gentle kiss placed on the top of her head. Amelia leant back against them basking in the comfort of their love.

"Come with me to get coffee?" the older woman asked standing up and taking their hand, Kai reciprocating with a hug. "What's this for?" she mumbled into their chest.

"Can't I just want to hug my girlfriend?" they teased attempting to pull away before being pulled even tighter against Amelia. "You looked like you needed a hug Ames".

Amelia didn't respond with words, just tightening her already impossibly tight hold on them even more, resting her head into their chest. Her mind was spinning, the pressures of her day wrestling against the thoughts of comfort and love she felt being in her lovers arms. Along with the comfort, came the thoughts of doubt, about what she'd done to deserve a love like this. She thought back to life before Kai, yes she'd loved and been loved but never more seen and supported than she did right now with them. After the rough start to her morning she needed to feel this, be reminded what unconditional love felt like.

"I love you. Like really, really love you" she whispered, moving her head up just enough to look in their eyes.

"I love you too Ames, always. Are you sure you're okay?" Concern was written over all over their face, looking at the woman in their arms. Pulling herself out of the hug, she shook herself free of the feelings threatening to ruin her happiness. "Yes, but I wont be for long without my coffee". She plastered on a smile and started walking pulling Kai along by their intertwined hands; they still couldn't rid themselves of the worry but followed her all the same.

They walk into the cafeteria, Amelia idly but happily listening to some story Kai was telling about their cat. Amelia smiles and laughs along with them, before ordering both their coffees taking them back to her office. "Sorry I didn't feel like sitting in there right now, too loud, too many nosy people around" she says sitting on the couch, closely followed by Kai lifting Amelias legs onto their lap and letting her relax into them.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while before Kai bites the bullet and asks Amelia what happened this morning that had her so shook up. She sighed, crossing her arms across her chest before answering. "Rough patient, even rougher family."

Kai rubbed her legs offering some silent support and prompting her to continue.

"This girl, she's only 21, whole life ahead of her but with one of the most complicated tumours I've ever seen. I've been researching and trying all day but I just can't seem to find a way to extract it without causing some sort of permanent brain damage, paralysis, speech deficit, or better yet killing her."
"Ames-"

"And her family, oh god, her family have driven me insane. She's lying there in her most vulnerable state in a hospital bed, not knowing if she's even going to make it and her family could only think of themselves and how to belittle Grace knowing she can't even defend herself! Then they turned on me, debating whether I was good enough to do this, questioning my qualifications, doubting me, reminding me that I could kill her. And listen, I'm used to that, families get scared, they're just doing their best to make sure their loved ones are cared for and in the best hands possible but the way they were talking about Grace, and acting towards me just reminded me so much of my sisters. It got to me, I let it get to me, I let them get in my head Kai, and I haven't let that happen in a very long time. I know I'm a good surgeon, I am very confident, arrogant most people would say but now.. now I'm having doubts, and I'm scared. What if they were right, what if I kill her because I'm not good enough?".

Amelia looks and them for the first time since starting their story, red in the face, tears threatening to fall and out of breath from the monologue she just delivered. Kai leant forward and took the coffee cup out of her hand before taking them and pulling Amelia fully into her lap.

"I know what I say can't get rid of all these thought swimming around your head but believe me when I say you are the most incredible, talented and determined person I know. You care so much and so deeply for your patients, and that is amazing but it leaves you open to getting hurt. That family don't know you, they don't know your situation or what you've been through. You are, factually and truly one of the best neurosurgeons in the West Coast, Fuck them. I know your worth, your patients does and so do you and that's all that matters okay? When those thoughts start spiralling remind yourself of your talents, and the faith we all have in you."

Amelia doesn't respond, too busy trying not to cry or run away from the things Kai was making her confront, mind spiralling even more at what she's ever done to deserve Kai, but they don't let her instead tightening their grip and allowing her to hurt and think in their arms. She felt safe there; the comfort helped in reducing the noise in her head but it still lingered.

Amelia's pager went off, eventually breaking the couple from the odd moment of peace they got to experience, beckoning her to face the rest of the day, just hoping she could avoid any other confrontations.

Authors notes: Work and University have been kicking my ass, I've had absolutely no time for anything apart from those! Procrastination has hit though and I'm trying to get back into it so if anyone does read this thank you! I have already got the next 3 chapters written and hoping to get them all up within the week and then more once exams are done.