Everything has changed

10. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

"Who's Paul?" she inquires.

Facing her, I'm momentarily frozen by fear, struggling to find my voice. Her eyes are fixed on me, expectant.

Inhaling deeply, I confess, "Paul—Paul is my ex-fiancé."

She looks at me, confusion and hurt in her eyes. "Fiancé?" she questions. I nod, too frightened to continue speaking. She gets out of bed and starts pacing the room; all I can do is watch her and wait for her to respond. "You didn't think it was important to tell me you were almost married?!" she exclaims, visibly upset. I shift closer to her side of the bed. "Em, I realize this is huge, and I can't explain why I hid it from you, but there's a reason," I say. Her frustration grows with every word I utter. "Care to share this 'reason' with me?" she demands. I doubt anything I say now will improve the situation.

"It was a terrible relationship, and I tried to make it work, but it was never going to. I-I should've told you, and I'm sorry I didn't," I say as tears start to well in my eyes.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Please leave," she says. It feels as though all the air has been sucked out of my lungs. "What?" I mumble. "I can't discuss this right now, please just go." I fight back tears as I get out of her bed and gather my belongings. She remains standing on her side of the bed, watching me as I exit her house. Only when I get into my car and begin driving do I allow my sobs to overwhelm me. I should've told her the truth; we were finally in a good place, and I've ruined it all. Memories of my time with Paul flash through my mind, and I wish I could erase them all.

Upon reaching my apartment, I step into the shower immediately, the tears indistinguishable from the running water.

I wish I could erase everything.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

At work, I sit at my desk, sulking with my coffee in one hand and paperwork in the other. I keep my head down, hoping no one notices the redness in my eyes from crying.

JJ calls out from across the room, "Hey guys, we have another case." I hear everyone begin to move towards the bullpen.

"Roberts, are you coming?" Derek inquires. Keeping my head down, I reply, "Yeah, I'll be right there; just need to put a few things away." He walks off, and I tuck my work into my desk and grab my glasses—my eyes are too sore for contacts this morning. I join the team at the roundtable, where JJ starts briefing us on our new case, "Daniel Keller, 21, a junior at Northeastern Boston university. He was killed last night while spring breaking in Carson Beach in Boston. C.o.d.asphyxiation. He was the second victim to be murdered there in the past 3 nights. The first was William Browder, also on spring break, C.o.d.asphyxiation. They were both sexually assaulted prior to death." she finishes.

"Men being raped and murdered on spring break? Well, that's a twist." Rossi says.

"So far the deaths have been localized to one hotel. The Seaport Boston hotel. Initially, the hotel was filled to capacity but lost 20% occupancy overnight." JJ says.

Hotch chips in, "We should get a list of everyone who works there. There's a good chance one of them is the unsub, at the very least has interacted with him."

"Yeah, Penelope's already on that." JJ states.

Reid flips through the files, "Both victims were discovered by hotel staff, the last after online checkout indicated the room had been vacated."

"So he wanted the bodies discovered, and sooner rather than later." Emily finally speaks up. Her voice almost causes me to jump but I stay still trying not to draw attention to myself.

"Look at the way they're posed-- naked, cowering in the fetal position. He's sending a message. Something about this is important to him. We just need to figure out what. And we need to do it soon." Derek says.

"The police suspect the unsub could be another vacationing student, Though I'm not willing to rule out local involvement." JJ replies.

"Makes sense." Emily says.

"If the killer is a student, they could be halfway across the country by the time we're onto them." Rossi says to the group.

"If he's a local, we could lose him as soon as his victim pool dries up." Emily adds.

"Either way, we're almost out of time." Hotch says.

"Northeastern's spring break season ends this weekend." I mutter, I think everyone forgot I was even there since I hadn't spoken a word the entire time. They all look my way making me feel like I had to add on to what I had said, "I grew up there so I know the area pretty well." I say. Emily looks at me studying my face, she can tell I've been crying.