Shattered Illusion

Chapter 3

I arrived at lunch early to scope out the place and choose exactly where we'd sit. After this morning, I was feeling extremely on edge, but I hoped that seeing my friends would reestablish some normalcy, even if just for a little while.

I spotted Mia by the entrance and waved to her. She came over immediately.

"Hey, gorgeous," she greeted with a bright smile, easing my nerves slightly.

"Hey, M. How was class?" I asked. I didn't have any classes today. Thankfully, I was very motivated in my first two years of studying and took most of my coursework then, which means I only have two classes a week this year. Even those two are going to be a stretch at the moment.

"It was kind of boring. My lecturer this year is so lame. He just drones on in one tone throughout the whole class. It was honestly an effort to stay awake." She giggled slightly, pulling a smile from me as well.

"But actually, I'm really glad you're here early. I was hoping to talk to you." She continued, looking more serious.

Fuck.

"Oh, alright. Is everything okay with you?" I asked, hoping to steer the conversation toward her.

"I feel like I should be asking you that. I know something is up. We haven't spoken properly in weeks, and I know you said that you went to your family, but that's never stopped you from FaceTiming me and talking my ear off about the family drama. This time, I was lucky if you responded to my texts at all. And yesterday... I don't know, B. You just seemed so on edge. Did I do something?"

"Oh! No! Mia you didn't do anything wrong at all! Please don't think that." I said, shocked that this was what she had been thinking all this time.

"Then what is it? Please just tell me," she pleaded.

"Mia... I don't know. I just haven't felt like myself lately. I think I've developed insomnia or something. So sleep has been rare recently, and you know how cranky I get when I don't get my beauty rest." I tried to play it off. I could feel my heart pounding and my hands sweating slightly. It's not like I want to lie to her, but every time I think about saying the words out loud, I feel physically sick.

"Are you sure that's all?" She asked after a second of studying my face.

"Yeah, M. That's all. Plus, I'm really tired of feeling hungover all the time, so I decided to take a slight break from that." I tried to further justify.

"Fair enough." She huffed, smiling slightly. "Well, I can give you some of my sleeping pills? I still have some left from last year," she suggested.

I contemplated this. Maybe I should try a sleeping pill. Maybe it will knock me out deep enough that I won't have any nightmares. I would try anything for some relief, even if it's temporary.

"Okay, yeah. If you don't mind, I'd like to see if that helps."

"Yeah! It's not like I use them anymore. I'll bring them over later tonight? Then we can have a sleepover! We haven't done that in ages."

The idea of a sleepover filled me with conflicting emotions. What if she noticed how restless I was, how haunted my sleep had become? The thought of her seeing me like that made my stomach churn. I wanted to convince her that everything was okay, and maybe having her close would provide some much-needed solace. Despite my reservations, I forced a smile and agreed.

"Ah yay! I am so excited! I am bringing all the snacks!" she said, listing off things she was in the mood for. My anxiety rose again at the thought of tonight, but I took a few deep breaths to try and calm my nerves.

Luckily, I spotted the guys by the door and waved them over. That new guy, Aiden, was with them as well. I guess he's part of the group now.

The second they sat down, Mia updated them about the sleepover and how excited she was. Everyone started talking with each other, and soon the waiter came to take our order. I just got a lemonade and waited for the rest of them to order.

As soon as the waiter left, everyone started talking and laughing again. I even joined in every now and then. But mostly, I was content just listening to them. They were so carefree, so unburdened, that my heart constricted slightly. I was happy they didn't have anything to worry about and that they were able to laugh at the little things. On one hand, I felt grateful to be here with them, but on the other, I was furious because I felt like I didn't fit in with them anymore. Their carefree attitudes made me feel like I was robbed of mine.

I noticed that Aiden wasn't saying much either. Instead, he was looking out the window, completely in his own world. Kind of like me, I guess.

I took the moment to properly look at him. He had dark brown hair, so dark it actually looked black. His strong jawline and prominent eyebrows made him fairly attractive. Both his arms were covered in ink, and he had an eyebrow piercing. Typical douche, practically screaming 'don't fuck with me.' I rolled my eyes at the thought.

What caught my attention, though, was his eyes. Not their color, but the look in them—haunted, guarded. They reminded me of my own.

Suddenly, those eyes moved toward me, and I got caught staring at him. He lifted an eyebrow at me, and previously I would've blushed and looked away, but now, I couldn't care less, so I just continued giving him a blank stare.

Someone cleared their throat next to me, drawing my attention to the blonde sitting beside me, with a mischievous grin on her face. I nudged her playfully, feeling less anxious than earlier.

I looked back toward Aiden, to find him scowling at me.

Rude much. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes, tuning back into Matt's conversation.

The rest of lunch was a blur of conversation and laughter. For a brief moment, I felt like part of the group again, my worries fading into the background. But as the meal wound down and we prepared to leave, the reality of the impending sleepover settled back in, gnawing at my already frayed nerves. I forced myself to stay engaged, to nod and smile in all the right places, but inside, a storm was brewing. Tonight was going to be a test, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to face it.