↱RIBS↲ ⇾seongjoong⇽

ろく

Now

Hongjoong has no doubt now that it's exactly what he thought it was.

Especially not since Jongho burst into the hospital room, took one look at Seonghwa, and let a tear fall down his face.

He never cried.

Most of them had never seen him cry.

Everyone— even Hongjoong— stepped back to let him get close to Seonghwa's sleeping body, hold his limp hand and whine out a 'hyung.'

Hongjoong drags himself out of his thoughts.

It's been too long since he said something, since all he could do was whisper out Seonghwa's name, and now Seonghwa's fidgeting in the silence.

Seconds feel like a lifetime.

"Don't- don't apologize." Hongjoong gets out, scoots closer to Seonghwa, tries his hardest not to cry, but he can't fucking help it.

"Don't apologize. You- you-" he can't finish.

He's choking up.

He thought he would have a million things to say but suddenly he doesn't.

He wants answers but he doesn't want to burden Seonghwa with questions.

He feels so guilty, so lost, and he can't stop thinking about what Seonghwa must have been going through all this time, alone.

He squeezes his hand tighter.

"Baby."

Seonghwa's eyes are dull, except for the shimmer of tears, and how long have they been like that?

How long had the twinkle in them been gone?

Hongjoong's such a fucking idiot.

How long has he been suffering?

Hongjoong knows that he has been.

The doctor told him.

Malnourished.

Dehydrated.

Low blood sugar.

Vitamin and electrolyte deficiencies.

Amazing that he'd lasted this long.

Hongjoong knows Seonghwa, and he knows he lasted this long on will alone, approaching even this as he approaches everything else in his life— with determination, stubbornness, a yearning for perfection even in places where perfection doesn't exist.

But he wants to hear it from Seonghwa.

It's all Hongjoong can think about, but he knows that now's not the best time.

So instead of asking how long it had been happening, how he managed it, why he'd done it, why he hadn't told anybody, if it was Hongjoong's fault, he asks this instead:

"Did it hurt, baby? You must have been hurting." He can barely get through it without a fresh wave of emotion breaking his voice, but apparently it was the right thing to say.

Or at least not the wrong thing.

Seonghwa's chin and lower lip tremble, the way they do when he's trying not to cry, and he looks so young, so small and vulnerable.