The Rose In the Night

Lia

I stay awake knowing Lia should be back any moment now . She had to, the sun is rising quickly. my eyes haven't  waivered from the section of the  wall where I now knew a door to the outside is placed.  A door full  secrets. Even as I can fell The lack of sleep still eating away at my brain my mind is still in disbelief knowing I had a way to go outside without anyone knowing. I keep shutting my eyes trying to convince myself that the insanity of it all is only another dream. It had to be a dream because none of it was possible. Yet I remember what it was to be in the forest again. To smell evergreen with my own senses. To feel moss beneath my feet. The way these things brought the animalistic need in me to run wild was Something I thought i would never feel again. How could such a lovely dream turn into an ugly nightmares so fast. My heart rips out if my chest as I look at Lia's bed. To find it still empty. Forcing me to realize it was all real.

I didn't know what I was more nervous for the anticipation of what's to come if she doesn't return before my guards or the nervousness of seeing her for the first time since our fight.

Please come back?  My heart silently cries out

she had to come back....

Right?

Yet still as the minutes continue to tick by She never comes.

This internal pain of my insides turning in on itself causes me to  roll around in the bed begging it to go away. The pain was unbearable. Fighting with her was so unnatural it felt like fighting with myself. I  silently pray to the three she was okay. That when she came back she wouldn't  hate me. Lia hating me seems like a fate worse then anything. I want to apologize to her. Beg for her forgiveness More then anything I want the night before to disappear.

The sun begins  to pierce through my room. Bringing heavy heat with it I hear the clock in the town dings signaling the start of the morning. I knew I could know longer wait for herIt feels strange to get up on my own without her.With still no sleep I struggle to walk straight. I look into the mirror Lack of sleep mix with sadness of last night weigh heavy on my eyes. I look at myself in disgust. My limbs ache as if I had just fought in the Dark War the night before. I use all my strength to continue to move towards my wash room. The last thing I wanted to do today was another lesson. I want to climb into a small dark black hole where the reality of last night can never find me. I knew I had no choice. I use some left over water still in my washroom to pour into the hand bowl from the day before. I splash water on my eyes repeatedly trying get rid of whatever left of last night I still have clinging to my skin. As I move out the was room I see a fresh pair  of my under garments Mia had m laid out the night before. After putting them on I put on my least favorite garment, my corset. I felt almost impossible to tie it myself, consorting myself in weird positions to look in the mirror. I beg for my fingers to stop shaking long enough to tie a bow at the bottom. I knew if I didn't look perfect they would know somethings wrong. I move to the white silk gown I wear everyday. As I pick up my gown I remember the horrible sound of my palm smacking against Lia's cheek. The clothes seem to sting me as I drop them. The sound of it echoing around my room. my hand still seems to hurt from it. I lift my hand to stare at it in the light. It's still slightly swollen. I look at the mirror again. My heart drops as I realize I did something I never thought I was capable of of. Hurting my friend.How could I let something as harmless as words cause me to do such horrible things? Was I the reason why she hadn't returned? Would she really risk death over ever seeing me again? Maybe I'm really as horrible as she told me I am.

Where is she?

The question that seems to be driving me insane.

Suddenly there's a knock at my door. I drop the clothes in my hands. My chest begins to heave as Self Disgust was quickly replaced by fear. I look around not knowing what to do. The constant uneasiness of feeling like I was about to be caught fills all my senses. I look around as if my walls would have a answer. I quickly begin to put my dress on tying my corset using my mirror as quickly as I can. I knew my guards would be beginning to wonder what's taking so long.