Expelled | Bbangsaz

Chapter 5

I could see it happening all over again, like I did every night. I watched as we drove, the trees on the side of the road passing by faster and faster as our pace increased. I started to panic. I tried to scream, but no sound came out of my mouth when I opened it. She didn't even spare me a single glance, until...

"Close your eyes."

I shot up in my bed, my eyes frantically darting around the dark room as I tried to figure out where I was. My breath was heavy and I felt sweat dripping down my forehead. I let out a deep breath as I realized that I was in my room, in my bed. It wasn't real. It was just another nightmare.

I let my head hang as I relaxed and my breathing slowed down, wiping the sweat off of my forehead.

My roommates seemed to be sleeping, and so I lied down again, ready to go back to sleep.

"Minji?" a soft voice called out. It was Hanni. Kazuha was a sound sleeper, she never woke up when I would wake from a nightmare. Besides, her voice was a bit deeper.

"Are you asleep?" she called again. Her voice sounded small and fragile, like it could break any second.

I tried to ignore her and pretend that I was asleep. She must have woken up because of me, but maybe if I stayed quiet she would just think that I was still asleep.

"Minji, are you okay?" she asked, almost whispering.

I heaved a sigh at the realisation that she was not going to leave me be until I answered, probably because she knew that I was awake. And judging by her last question, she had probably seen me shoot up in my bed in cold sweats.

"I'm fine Hanni, just go to sleep." I said.

"I can't." she replied and I sighed again.

"Why?" I asked with yet another sigh.

"I can't sleep. I miss my home. I feel so lonely here." she said.

"There's over a hundred students here Hanni, and two of them are your roommates, you are literally never alone." I said.

"But being lonely is not the same as being alone." she said as her voice broke, and I knew that she was crying now, or well, judging by how fragile her voice sounded before, again.

"And what do you want me to do about it?" I asked. I was shit at this.

"I don't know." she replied. I didn't say anything to that.

"You are horrible at comforting people, you know that." she then commented.

"I know." I admitted. I really was. Other people's emotions, especially things like sadness, made me feel very uncomfortable, and I never knew what to say or do.

She didn't say anything after that, and neither did I. I was planning to just go back to sleep, but then I heard her quiet sobs get a little louder and I groaned.

I wasn't the most sensitive, empathetic or feeling person, and I wasn't fond of Hanni, but I wasn't heartless either and it was clear to me that she was struggling and no matter how much I disliked her, I didn't wish this type of hardship upon her. She also reminded me of myself when I first got here. I cried myself to sleep for almost the entirety of my first week here. And despite my earlier comment, I understood what she meant when she said that she felt lonely. I remember feeling like that myself. I was surrounded by so many people yet I felt so alone. It wasn't nice, and so I decided for myself that I had to do something, and so I grabbed the small flashlight from my bedside table, turned it on, got out of bed and made my way over to my closet.

"What are you doing?" Hanni asked me.

I opened my closet and from the back of it I grabbed a big teddy bear. I then made my way over to Hanni's bed.