𝙱𝚛𝚞𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝙵𝚛𝚞𝚒𝚝

one

I told you no plenty of times I breathed life into each letter

As I screamed it from my lungs I told you no as I promised myself I wouldn't become a part of your statistic

I told you no As you bought me food When I swore I wasn't hungry I threw up every letter this time

As you choked This shitty salad down my throat I told you no

As I told you I hated jewellery And I have a boyfriend In this moment you didn't care

You asked for my ring size And presented me with something Lovers give each other

No was not good enough I told you no

As I promised myself I hated sex toys And I didn't want one

But you didn't listen So it sits in a box Collecting dust Underneath a plethora of lace and cotton panties That I'll wear For my current lover,

But I won't use the vibrator I'm afraid that this time I will get in your car

And you will take me places I don't want to be

And you will see Those black laced beauties I concealed For nights In between the sheets With a consensual yes

I'm afraid that these no's I screamed Were just practice

For how loud I can get And for how angry I can be I'm terrified that these no's Meant nothing to you,

but another way For me to say yes

But in what world do those antonyms Lie together?

They don't I'm frightened that this potential "no" Will be my last And you will corrupt me

And I will no longer Lay with my lover,

I will no longer laugh with my best friends I will no longer be here,

But 6 feet under the desert sky

Because in some world A boyfriend wasn't enough

And my no's Were never

my "yes"