𝐆𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈

𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧

Here I am, walking the halls, having just come from lunch not too long ago. With some extra minutes on my hands before my next class. I stepped into the bathroom. Inside, were two white girls and one black girl, all staring at me as I approached the mirror to check my reflection.

Their whispers began to annoy me, and I knew exactly what was coming. One of the white girls spoke up, "Hey, Solem, right?" I nodded, not wanting to be rude.

"You knew that Gemini boy, I'm so sorry about your loss" she said, and I replied with a simple "thank you." 

What else could I say? This was the fifth time today someone had approached me. It was getting annoying. As I started to wash my hands, I reached for the soap and squirted it into my hand.

    As I placed my hands under the water, the black girl asked, "He was fine as fuck, so like, what happened?" I ignored her, continuing to wash my hands, but the other white girl's laughter caught my attention.

"What the fuck is so funny?" I asked, and she quickly stopped. The black girl spoke up again, "Chill, we just wanted to know what happened. We heard you were there when it went down." 

I looked her up and down, scoffing. If she didn't know what happened by now, it wasn't my place to tell her. I didn't know this girl, and her disrespect was evident.

    I maintained my composure, wiping my hands with a paper towel and giving them a stern look. They were lucky that was all I did.

    It seemed like I couldn't catch a break. In class, De'Shawn, the boy who claimed he liked me, asked, "Aye, I'm sorry about your boy. Y'all was dating or sum?"

   I just stared at him, ignoring his question. Why were all these people suddenly talking to me? Nobody ever spoke to me before. De'Shawn continued, "That was fucked up. He didn't deserve to get shot."

His comment sparked the class some agreeing with him and others remaining silent. Then, my teacher, Ms. Nelson - whom I disliked - chimed in, "They didn't just shoot that boy for nothing. He was probably shot for a reason, like talking back or having a weapon." She shrugged her shoulders without a care in the world.

I struggled to bite my tongue as she spoke about Gemini, but I couldn't.

"I'm sure that's what you think, huh?" I tell her.

She looks over at me. "It's not what I think, Solem, it's what I know" she says, which only makes me angrier. She doesn't know anything about what happened.

"Oh, you know because you were there, right? You know because you've seen this happen to not one but multiple Black boys before?" I ask, my voice raising.

"You don't know shit, Ms. Nelson!" I say as some of my classmates gasp in shock. I ignore them and keep my focus on her.

"You would never know what it feels like to have a gun pointed at you, to be accused of something you didn't do, or to be harassed because of the color of your skin. When it happens to you, you tell me, Ms. Nelson. You tell me if you deserve to be shot!" I look her straight in the eyes. She's taken aback, and for a moment, she's speechless. The only words she manages to say are "Okay, Solem, calm down.."

"No, fuck calming down! Don't make assumptions about my best friend, especially when you don't know what the fuck happened!"  I snapped, wiping away the tears I hadn't even noticed were streaming down my face.

I saw someone putting down their phone, and I didn't care if they had recorded me - let them.

I grabbed my book bag and shoved my notebooks into it. I didn't want to be there, why hadn't I just stayed home? I stormed out of the classroom, leaving them behind. I didn't care.

I headed out into the halls and out of the school building, feeling like everything was blurry as I made my way to my car. I got in and just breathed, knowing that no amount of tears would bring Gemini back. I couldn't help but feel angry and hurt, though - how dare Ms. Nelson talk about him as if he wasn't human as if he'd done something wrong?

    I wiped away my tears as I heard three taps on the window. I looked over and saw Isis, her face with concern. I unlocked the door and motioned for her to get in on the other side. She did, and asked, "Why are you in your car? Don't you still have two more classes?"  I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I do, it's just... today hasn't been the best day."

   Isis looked at me with empathetic eyes. "I know. What happened?' she asked. 

"'I knew coming to school today would be like this" I said, shaking my head. "People coming at me left and right, telling me they're sorry while others are making comments about what happened to Gemini."

"Yeah, it hasn't been easy for me either."

"'What am I going to do, Isis?' I asked, feeling helpless.

"We gotta be strong"  she said, holding out her hand for me to take. "Like Daddy says, don't let nun kill you." She says, quoting something our daddy taught us.

His term "don't let nun kill you" meant don't let anything get to you. If it can get to you, then it has already killed you. My daddy had always made sense, and I learned that whatever he told us as kids, I'd have to apply it to my life someday.