The Dark circle

Through the Fog of Uncertainty

The next morning, I woke up with a sense of anticipation. My interaction with Atul had left me with a renewed sense of energy and hope. As I got ready for my classes, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of our late-night conversation. I dressed with a little more care, choosing a bright yellow kurta that seemed to reflect my uplifted mood.

In the classroom, I noticed the usual buzz of students discussing the latest problems and solutions for the JEE exams. My focus, however, was slightly distracted by thoughts of Atul. I wondered if he would message me again, if our connection would continue to grow.

During a break, I pulled out my phone to check Facebook. There it was—a new message from Atul. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it.

"Good morning, Smritee! How's your day going?"

A simple greeting, but it made me feel special. I quickly typed a reply, "Good morning, Atul! My day is good so far. How about yours?"

We continued our conversation throughout the day, exchanging messages between classes. Atul shared stories about his training, the places he had been, and the people he had met. I told him about my studies, my aspirations, and the challenges I faced in my new environment. Our conversations were a bright spot in my otherwise monotonous routine.

Days turned into weeks, and our bond grew stronger. Atul became my confidant, someone I could share my fears and dreams with. He always had encouraging words, lifting me up whenever I felt down. I found myself looking forward to our chats more than anything else.

One evening, it had been three hours, but still, he hadn't responded to my texts. I was worried; he always used to reply within minutes. I was desperate, being a teenager, and I bombarded his inbox with my messages, but there was no luck.

Finally, in the evening, a message popped up: "Sorry, my phone was confiscated."

"Were you worried about me?" he asked cheekily.

"No, I just wanted to make sure if you were alright," I replied, trying to hide my relief.

After a bit of chit-chat, my worry was gone, and like always, I found my peace in his texts.

It had been two months since I met him. From good morning texts to late-night calls, I was all over him. We talked about everything—the day, the night, the moon, the sea, the birds, and everything else under the sun. But we never talked about ourselves, about our relationship or where it was heading.

My internal tests were near, but my focus was nil. I was more attracted to his texts and his calls, eagerly waiting all day for just one text from him. Since he was in the army, he had very little time to talk to me. But I didn't know when he would get time for me, so I looked at my phone all day, waiting for his text.

I was a very studious student, and I had never seen second position in my class in my entire schooling career. I was sure I would do well in my tests too. Though I was confident, I was also afraid.

You never know what becomes a priority in your life. The other day, I was happy with Barbie dolls. Today, I had become a Barbie in someone's life. But I had no regrets about it because Atul was all I wanted in my life. He was out of my league, and yet he was with me as a friend.

Finally, my test results were out. I was sure I would be the topper again. I looked for my name at the top of the list and found it at the bottom. My heart sank. It was expected, but I hadn't expected it to be this bad. I rushed to my hostel and started crying out loud. I cursed myself, feeling my dream of getting into the IITs slipping away.

My room felt colder and more unwelcoming than ever before. The posters of inspirational quotes and the photos of my family seemed to mock me. I could almost hear the whispers of disappointment from my parents and teachers. My dream, the one I had nurtured for so long, felt like it was shattering into a million pieces.