Why So Far? || Minsung 3/3

25

I'm back at the gym, using the punching bag to get my stress out. I've been going a lot recently, working on my legs mostly, but also needing to burn off anxieties. Jisung and I have been okay. We haven't talked much lately about our relationship. Midterms were last week, so we didn't get much of a chance to talk as we were busy.

"Minho, hey."

I wipe sweat from my forehead, peeling off my gloves. "Hey, what's up?"

Chan isn't in gym attire, making me more aware of why he's here in the first place.

"We need to talk."

"Why?"

He crosses his arms, standing tall and intimidating. "What's going on with you? You're distant, not yourself. You and Jisung are constantly fighting."

I tilt my head back, unnecessarily getting irritated. "Ah, really? Didn't notice. That is something Jisung and I are worrying about. We're fine."

"You're not. It's my business because you two are my friends. Jisung is like a little brother. When he's upset, I'm upset. I need you to tell me what's up with you."

"Why is the problem always me?" I shoot back. "Haven't you talked to your brother?"

"Whoa, I'm not saying you're the problem. See? You're getting defensive now. You're not yourself. I know having someone move in with you isn't easy, especially a partner. Tell me."

"No. It's none of your business. If Jisung wants to talk to you, fine, I don't care. I, personally, would rather not. I don't need to spill my itty bitty thoughts to someone."

"Fuck, Minho," he shouts, "why are you being so difficult?"

"Gee, thanks."

-

My vision blurs behind my glasses as I stare at my laptop. The grip I have on my mouse tightens, my knuckles turning white. My breath is caught in my throat, making it impossible to breathe.

I clench my eyes shut, taking in shallow breaths.

The little noises around me buzz in my ear, intensifying the longer I sit there. My heart is pounding in my chest while my lungs burn, begging me to breathe. I can't. Why can't I? I'm being suffocated. I'm alone. I'm dying alone. This is it. I'm done.

"Relax," someone whispers into my ear, covering my hand with theirs. It's warm, but now it's hot. It's so hot in here. "It's okay, sunshine. You're okay. I need you to breathe in for me. You can do it slowly. Let the air fill your lungs."

I nod, my chest stuttering when I try. He leads me through it, speaking softly as if I could break any second. My heart rate is slower now, eased by the deathly feeling slipping away from my fingers.

"Good job. I'm proud of you. Can you open your eyes for me?"

I relax my face, squinting my eyes open. I blink a few times, finally turning to my boyfriend. He's crouched down on the floor, holding my hand.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, overwhelmed by how exhausted I felt. He stands, kissing my forehead.

"Save your work for now. Let's take a nap."

I nod again, my mind slowly coming back to me. Shutting my laptop, I turn toward him. He's taking off his shirt; sleeping without it is much more comfortable.

He reaches out to me, leading me to our bed. Once my head hits the pillow, the drowsiness kicks in. I close my eyes, a small ache still in my chest.

A finger brushes down the bridge of my nose, lulling me to sleep. I don't question anything, already knowing what happened deep inside. I know what caused it. I know what happened. I want to forget it now.